Pairing(s): Nick/Kevin Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Originally Published: 4/9/2021
Sleeping in the hard plastic chairs in the intensive care unit wasn’t exactly how Kevin had planned to spend Mother’s Day. He’d flown in to spend time with his mother, but she’d found herself in the hospital less than three hours after his arrival. She’d suffered a premature heart attack and was in critical condition.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall as the images from the day before danced in his head. They had just been sitting down to eat dinner. Kevin had stopped on his way in from the airport and picked up take out at his mother’s favorite place. He’d surprised her with dinner, flowers and a kiss. She had been delighted to see him and he could still feel her tight embrace wrapped around him as he remembered how good it felt to see the happiness on her face.
Their happiness was short-lived when his mother had gone to sit at the table and instead collapsed to the floor. He couldn’t remember the last time he had ever been that scared. When reviving her didn’t seem to be working, he had called for an ambulance and then called Brian in a near panic. Brain had promised to meet them at the hospital, having flown in alongside Kevin to surprise his own parents.
Kevin felt like his whole world had been pulled out from underneath him and as he’d rode in the back of the ambulance, he prayed for all he was worth for his mother to pull through. The fear and anxiety only grew as the paramedics continued to have trouble rousing her in the ambulance. He’d called the other guys as soon as he’d reached the hospital, AJ and Howie both promising to be on the next flight up from Floridia. Now, almost fifteen hours later, he found himself in the company of his four bandmates. The fourth one, the one that meant the most couldn’t be reached. Kevin’s whole life had screeched to a halt and the one person that could make it better, make breathing a little easier for Kevin, wasn’t around. Kevin and Brian had both tried numerous times to reach him, but he was halfway across the country on his own solo tour promoting his newest cd and was next to impossible to reach. Kevin knew, and completely understood, but it still made everything else so much harder to deal with knowing he wasn’t here, wasn’t within reach.
It wasn’t like Nick knew, or could even possibly comprehend, how much he meant to Kevin anyway. Kevin had never voiced his love for the younger man aloud, instead, he kept it tucked tightly away where he could agonize about it in the private of his own mind. Nick had no idea that he harbored deeper feelings than just friendship and it was quite possible he never would. It was something Kevin had never had the courage to say. He wished that he’d told Nick how he felt a long time ago. Maybe then he’d be in the hospital with him now instead of millions of miles away.
Kevin opened his eyes and blinked in the harsh fluorescent light of the hospital waiting room. The light hurt his eyes and he closed them again as he tried to block out the throbbing of his headache. He hadn’t slept in almost forty eight hours or eaten in just as long. His mom wasn’t stable as of yet and he didn’t know what he’d do if he lost her too. He’d lost his father before the group started and it had almost killed him. Losing his mom would be almost as bad if not worse. He tried hard not to think about that happening, but as the hours ticked away and her condition remained unchanged, he could feel the sense of desperation begin to sink in.
Brian had left to go make a few phone calls to who, Kevin had no idea. As long as no one was asking him to move from this spot, where he was curled up in the hospital chair. Alex was curled into a ball, sleeping on one of the plastic couches. Howie was leaning against the far wall looking like living dead. It was late, really late, or early depending on which way you wanted to look at it. Kevin was too tired to figure out the minute details like the time or date. The guys had been there since two o’clock the previous morning offering Kevin nothing but love and support, but none of them could fill the void that Nick left. If Nick were there Kevin knew he’d have the strength to deal with anything.
He sighed heavily and looked at the clock on the nearest wall. It had been awhile since they had heard anything from a doctor. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Without any information his mind kept going to the worst possible outcome. He prayed his mother would be OK. He hoped for his own sake that everything was fine.
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Nick hurried and dumped his things into a suitcase as soon as he entered his hotel room. There were clothes and shoes strewn all over the room and he tripped over a pair of sneakers in his haste to get everything packed away. He growled in frustration as he caught himself against the wall and slammed his palm into the surface as he yelled out his anger. Taking a deep breath, he began his chore again, moving slowly this time so he didn’t trip.
He’d been at the venue when he got Brian’s devastating phone call. Brian always had the numbers to get a hold of Nick in case of an emergency. As soon as he’d heard about Kevin’s mom he knew his place was beside him. He’d told his tour manager he was leaving and after an hour's worth of fighting about cancelled shows and contracts, they let him leave and cancel the next week's worth of concerts. Nothing was going to stop him from getting to Kevin, a point he had made painfully clear to anyone who dared to cross him as he made every attempt to get back to the hotel to get his things together to leave. Next he had made a frantic phone call to the airport trying to find the first flight out and into Lexington. After a very frustrating phone call with the customer service desk, he finally got a flight, albeit a very expensive one. He didn’t give two shits about the cost of the ticket, the sooner he got to Kevin the sooner he’d feel better. He had to get to Kevin, a mantra he kept repeating to himself over and over again. He couldn’t make anyone understand how important this was.
He knew how much Kevin’s mom meant to him, especially after Kevin lost his father and he knew he’d be teetering on the breaking point. All he could think about was how scared and alone the older man must feel knowing there was nothing he could do to help his mom. Nick was surprised though, Brian said Kevin hadn’t cried at all and Nick knew he must have been suffering far greater than they all thought. He could count on hand how many times he had seen the older man cry over the years and would have been willing to bet that Kevin would have been reduced to tears the moment his mom was loaded onto the stretcher. He hoped that Kevin would let him comfort him. Brian had said he was keeping the rest of the guys at arm's length, and Nick knew in doing so would make him feel even worse.
Shoving the last of his items into his duffle bag, Nick snuck a glance at his watch. He had to hurry if he was going to make it to the airport in time. He had to be with Kevin. End of question, and nothing was going to stop him from getting to the man that meant the most in the world to him.
Nick needed Kevin in his life like he needed air to breathe. He’d secretly loved the older man since he was very young, probably much too young to even know what love was. He couldn’t even remember a time when he didn’t love Kevin. He’d always loved and admired the other man from afar for half his life. It was second nature to love Kevin. It was all he knew and all he knew right now was that Kevin was hurting and he needed to do everything in his power to ease it somehow.
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A couple of hours later they were all asleep in the waiting room. Kevin still in his chair, Brian and Alex together on one of the couches and Howie on the floor. Kevin felt someone tap his shoulder and he immediately shot his head up to look. A doctor stood a couple feet away from him. He scrambled to his feet, his heart pounding in his chest. He went to speak but the doctor cut him off.
“Mr. Richardson. she’s taken a turn for the worse. That doesn’t mean though that we won’t get her stable. We’ll be monitoring her closely and let you know of any changes in her state, but for now, if there is any family that has yet to be contacted, you might want to see to it that they make their way here. While there is still some hope that she will regain consciousness and be able to breath on her own, we have to prepare for the worst case scenario.” The doctor said.
This couldn’t be happening. Kevin felt his heart stop beating in his chest. This couldn’t happen to his mother, He couldn’t lose her too. He remembered when his father “took a turn for the worse” He let his mind wander away from what the doctor was saying, barely even registering the world around him. He felt a rush in his ears, the sound almost like a freight train and it took everything he had to remain standing upright. The other guys listened intently to what the doctor was saying but Kevin just couldn’t get himself to concentrate on it. Now more than ever he wished Nick was there to make him feel stable.
“Kev” Brian said, shaking him softly. “She’ll be ok”
Kevin broke out of his racing thoughts and focused on Brian. He tried to give his cousin a smile but it died on his lips. The feeling of dread had only grown in his stomach, the same one he got the day he received the phone call about his father. As much as he tried not to think about what it meant, the facts still remained the same. Howie nodded at Brian. “She’s strong, she’ll pull through this.” Alex got up and tried to wrap Kevin in a hug. “They say it gets worse before it gets better right? She’ll be ok Kev.” Alex said gently. Kevin stood stiffly and didn’t respond to any of the encouraging words. He nodded, but didn’t really hear a word any of them had said.
Once again Kevin tried to smile but it was something he just couldn’t do at the moment. He was emotionally drained. He knew what he needed, but he also knew he’d never have it. Brian glanced at his watch. At least they’d all gotten a couple hours of sleep, something they all dearly needed. The other guys dispersed, leaving Kevin standing in the center of the waiting room as they all retreated back to their seats.
He walked over to the window so he could look out into the courtyard, it wasn’t much, but it was better than staring at the blank hospital walls. Kevin let his mind wander again as he glanced out the window of the waiting room. He didn’t know how long he stood there, lost in thoughts of his childhood, growing up with his parents and brothers in the woods of Kentucky. He allowed his mind to remember all of the good times they had, the love and joy that each memory brought rushed over him at once.
After what seemed like hours he felt two arms encircle his waist. Nick’s familiar scent assaulted his senses and he breathed in deeply, in such shock to feel the warmth and strength of the other man he wasn’t even sure how to feel. Nick held him tightly from behind, resting his chin on Kevin’s shoulder as he increased the pressure of his arms wrapped securely around his waist. After a few moments, he turned slowly and saw the man he needed most, right there in his arms. He pulled Nick tightly to him and buried his face in Nick’s neck. Only then did he allow the tears he’d be holding back for so many days to fall. He cried for all he was worth, gut wrenching broken sobs. Nick remained steadfast, holding him close and tightening his arms around him. He allowed Kevin to cry and began running his hands up and down Kevin’s back soothingly. They stayed like that for a while, the rest of the guys amazed that Kevin was breaking down in the arms of their youngest band mate.
Brian knew of Nick’s feelings for Kevin, it was one of the sole reasons he had tried so hard to track Nick down, but witnessing the exchange in the middle of the room he could almost swear that Kevin returned Nick’s feelings.
Nick knew that Kevin needed to get away for a while so he pulled out of Kevin’s arms and took his hand in his own. He pulled Kevin along gently and told Brian they were going downstairs to the cafeteria for a break and a cup of coffee. Brian nodded and smiled at Nick, somewhat relieved to see Kevin allowing Nick to help and letting go of some of the responsibility of caring for the older man.
Kevin had finally managed to get himself under control, sniffling softly now, and he laced his fingers with Nick’s. Nick led the way downstairs and got coffee for Kevin and hot chocolate for himself. They settled in, side by side on the bench while they drank their drinks, close enough for their shoulders to rub every time either of them moved, but not close enough to raise eyebrows.
“You came,” Kevin said softly. Looking at Nick like a little lost child. It broke Nick’s heart to see the older man like this.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Nick admitted gently.
Kevin looked at him for a moment. “I couldn’t get a hold of you,” Kevin said confused.
Nick nodded. “Brian called me.”
“Why’d you come all this way over here? I knew you had concerts and things. Kevin questioned softly.
“You mean more to me then concerts and all of that other stuff,” Nick said softly. “I’d go anywhere for you,”
“You mean that?” Kevin asked. His gaze dropped to the floor afraid to meet Nick’s eyes.
“Yes, I mean that. I love you Kevin,” Nick confessed.
Kevin sat there for a moment thinking Nick’s confession over. “Like what, Nicky?” Kevin asked so softly it was almost inaudible.
“Like the man I’ve looked up too my whole life...Like my best friend….Like the man I fell in love with. I love you more than anything Kevin, and I’ve spent half of my life hiding it from you.”
Kevin didn’t know what to say. That was something he’d never hear come out of Nick’s mouth. It was something though, that he’d needed to hear for the longest time.
“I love you too Nicky,” Kevin said, his eyes rising to meet Nick’s. Nick searched his eyes for hints of a joke and smiled when he found none.
“I love you so much,” Nick said, wrapping his arms around Kevin’s neck. He scooted closer until he was straddling Kevin’s waist. He laid his head down softly on his shoulder and tightened his grip on him.
“Whatever happens, we’ll get through it together.” Nick assured him softly.
Kevin nodded. “I know. I feel so much stronger having you here beside me.” Kevin buried his face against Nick’s chest and breathed deeply, relishing the feel of the younger man in his lap. He did feel better, knowing now that the years of longing for the blonde were over. He heard someone clear their throat and raised his head to meet the tired eyes of his younger cousin. Kevin felt his heart plummet at the look on the other man’s face. He instinctively hugged Nick tighter to him, making the blonde raise his head in question. Nick glanced from one cousin to the other and he knew in an instant what had happened. He felt Kevin’s shoulders shake first and the next thing Nick knew, Kevin was dissolving into his arms. Brian watched in amazement as the other man completely fell apart, being completely unable to offer any kind of support.
Nick held him close and allowed Kevin to cry as much as he wanted. After a few moments the older man pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I’m okay.” he whispered softly.
Nick gave him a squeeze. “Are you sure?”
Kevin nodded and shifted uncomfortably on the cafeteria bench. Nick climbed to his feet and offered up his hand to the other man. Kevin took it and stood, lacing their fingers tightly together. He took a deep breath and offered Brian a weak smile. Nick squeezed their joined hands. “I love you,” he whispered, just loud enough for Kevin to hear. It was a comfort Kevin desperately needed. “I love you too, Nicky” Kevin managed to give him a small smile. When Nick smiled back he felt a wave of peace wash over him. He could feel that somehow, everything would end up benign okay. Now that he had Nick by his side, he could face anything.