Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine myself living with Kevin. I mean god I love him, don’t get me wrong, but we were never that close like that until now. I love him so much. God do I love him. He has no idea of course. He thinks I’m still hung up over Alex. I don’t want him to know how I feel, because I’m afraid he won’t take me seriously. I’m scared he will think it’s just some kind of rebound thing.
It’s not. It’s so much more than that.
I know I need to tell him, but I’m not sure how he feels. I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I’ve been through so much heartache.
Being rejected by Kevin could possibly be my breaking point.
It had been almost two weeks since we had issued the press statement about Kevin’s and mine departure from the group. We simply said that we had been in the group for more than ten years and we were tired of it and needed a change. I didn’t want to go public about my abusive relationship with Alex, so it was the only thing we could come up with to tell the public.
The group had decided to finish the tour as a trio and then they would just lay the Backstreet Boys to rest. I myself was astonished that Kevin gave up his life, and his career, to help me deal with all of my problems. He had always told me he would be there for me, but I thought that quitting his job was a little extreme.
I was ecstatic he quit don’t think I wasn’t. I could not imagine anyone else but Kevin picking up my broken pieces. He had been the one to put me back together my whole life. Now was no different.
I stretched out in the hammock I was lying in. Kevin had left earlier to go grocery shopping in the nearest town. We desperately needed groceries. It seemed like we were out of everything. Kevin had tried to get me to go with him, but I wanted to spend some time alone tying to sort out my thoughts. It was getting to be too hard to be around him.
When we first moved in I never wanted to be away from him. I had to be with him constantly. I’m better now. I sleep in my own room now, instead of his. I can do things without having to have him right next to me. Sometimes I pretend like I’m scared, just because I’m too afraid to just ask him to hold me. I crave skin-to-skin contact with him. I’m content just holding his hand. I will do anything to have him wrap his arms around me. Nothing makes me happier than being with him. If everything was different I would like to say that we would be together no questions asked, but I don’t know that.
I quickly cleared my thoughts as I heard the phone ring. Thinking it was Kevin I bolted into the house to answer it. I picked it up on the second ring. “Hello” I answered out of breath. The other end was quiet except for some heavy breathing.
“Hello,” I said again. The phone made a clicking noise signaling that they had hung up.
I figured it was Brian or Aaron playing a prank so I ignored it and walked back outside. I must have fallen asleep in the hammock, because when Kevin woke me up it was dark outside.
“What are you doing out here baby?” Kevin asked amused I had fallen asleep outdoors.
I blushed deeply when he called me baby. Thank god he couldn’t see, because it was so dark. “I was waiting on you to get back, guess I was more tired then I thought,” I said blushing again.
Kevin laughed lightly and offered me his hand. I took it in mine and laced our fingers together. Kevin looked at our hands and then back at me and smiled. I smiled back and got up off of the hammock. I followed him into the house. He had already put up the groceries so we went into the living room and laid together on the couch. There we fell asleep watching movies, wrapped in each others arms.