Pairing(s): Nick/Kevin Rated: R Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes Originally Published: Early 2000s
Kevin’s POV I felt terrible about flying home to Kentucky. My mother had invited us both home for Christmas. Nick had talked me into coming. He was excited about flying home, but I still felt bad considering he had to mess with his wheelchair.
My attention shifted to the present as I felt Nick take my hand in him and intertwine our fingers together. He nuzzled his face in my neck and kissed my throat. I smiled and kissed his forehead softly. His eyes drifted shut and I knew he would be asleep within a few minutes.
He stayed up late the night before packing and repacking his bags. He was so excited about coming. It broke my heart that he had to fly in his chair though.
He went through his bags at least 4 times to make sure he had a gift for everyone. He really got into Christmas. It was one of his favorite holidays.
I loved to see him happy after everything we’ve been through together. Most of it’s my fault, but I’ve tried my best to repair the damage. I love him so much.
We’re not really looking forward to seeing Brian. We have to however considering he’ s family. It still amazes me that he took it so hard considering all of the rest of our families took it really well. When we told them they sort of shrugged and said they knew it would happen sooner or later. They couldn’t be happier for us and never gave us anything but their support.
Nick was used to his chair by now and said he didn’t mind traveling in it. His legs hadn’t gotten enough strength for him to walk yet but they were slowly getting there. I knew Nick was as scared of seeing Brian as I was. He tried to hide it but I knew. He knew how much I wanted to see my family and he didn’t want to anything to make me upset.
We had spent the Christmas before with Nick’s family. He felt it was my mother’s turn to have us for Christmas. I didn’t want him to come if he didn’t want to but he insisted he did. I could sit here forever and tell you how much I love this man.
I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent that was uniquely his. He smelled like the ocean and his cologne. Weird combination I know but that’s what it is. I looked out the window of the plane and wrapped my arms around him tighter.
After everything I always feel this strong urge t protect him from anything and everything. If something ever happened to him again I’d die. I can’t stand to see him in pain. It kills me when he’s hurting. When he hurts, I hurt. Sometimes I wish it were possible to reflect all of his pain to me. I deserve that pain he goes through. If it weren’t for me he wouldn’t be in the position he’s in. I wish I could go back and change every bad thing that happened that day. I can’t though and he has to suffer and it’s not fair. I can only live with the haunted thoughts about what I did to him.
He’s the only one I’ve ever loved this much and look what I did to him. I hate myself for what happened. I snapped out of my pity party when I heard them announce to put or seat belts on.
I woke Nick up gently so he could fasten his seat belt. His eyes searched mine for some indication of my sudden down spirits. He could tell I was upset but he didn’t press it. I quickly looked away and tried to get myself to calm down. He smiled at me softly and laced his fingers through mine. He rested back in his chair and hummed softly as we waited for the plane to land. I thought about the five days that laid ahead of us. I had a feeling some
thing was going to happen. Good or bad I didn’t know. I just had this gut feeling that something was up. I sighed slowly trying to prepare myself for the next few days that were to come.
Nick’s POV
I knew something was wrong with Kevin.
I wasn’t stupid. It hurt though that he wanted to ignore it rather than talk to me about it.
I was so excited about coming to Kentucky. I think the reason is because I knew how much Kevin wanted to see his family. He’d never say so out loud, but I knew he wanted to come really bad. He didn’t want to pressure me into flying in my wheel chair so he wouldn’t say anything to me about it. I’d do anything and everything within my power to make sure he was happy.
Without him I wouldn’t have overcome all the obstacles that I’ve been faced with. He’s been my only hope for surviving the situations I’ve been placed in. If I didn’t have him by my side there is no way I could have made it out alive. He’s my whole world. I would have nothing if I didn’t have him.
We were the last ones to exit the plane because of my chair. Kevin waited patiently by the baggage claims while I managed to move myself down the wheelchair ramp. I smiled at him lovingly and felt butterflies when he smiled back. After all the time we’ve been together his smile still sends butterflies to my stomach. I still wanted to know hat was wrong with him but I thought better to drop it for the moment. I figured he’d tell me when he felt comfortable.
We slowly made our way through the lobby. We found our rental car and Kevin helped me get situated inside. I sat in the passenger’s seat and watched Kevin contently as he drove. I loved the look of concentration on his face while he drove. Watching Kevin had become one of my favorite things to do. I like to do it when he didn’t know I was watching. I traced his jawbone with my fingertips and then took his hand in mine. I loved him so much. I just wanted him to tell me what was bothering him.
“Did I do something to make you mad” I asked him softly.
He broke his attention away from the road and looked at me. “No baby, I’m just tired. You didn’t do anything.” He smiled weakly. “I love you,”
I smiled back, and whispered my love as well. I moved in my seat so I was close to him. I laid my head on his shoulder as I drifted back off.
“Go to sleep Nicky. We still have a long drive ahead of us,” He whispered gently.
I squeezed his hand in mine and drifted back off pushing Kevin’s problem into the back of my mind.
Kevin’s POV
I didn’t want him to worry about me so I had to act happy around him. When we pulled into my mother’s drive the lawn and driveway were full of cars. It wasn’t an uncommon thing considering how huge my family was.
Nick had woken up about twenty minutes before and I felt his grip on my hand tighten. I saw his gaze move towards Brian’s car. I felt my stomach tighten at the thought of facing Brian. I prayed that god would give me the strength to go through with this.
I got out of the car slowly and helped Nick get situated in his wheel chair. I got our bags out of the back and we started up the walk to the front door. Before we reached the door I stopped Nick and got down on my knees in front of him. He looked at me confused for a moment. I took his hands in mine and looked into his eyes.
He smiled gently. I smiled back and leaned in and kissed him softly. I broke away and made eye contact again.
“Whatever happened in there today, Nicky don’t ever think that I don’t love you with everything I am.” I said softly.
I watched his eyes tear up and I quickly kissed him again. I broke away and smile up at him. He smiled back.
“I love you too Kevvy, so much. Sometimes I don’t think I could love you anymore that I do, but somehow I always seem to love you more. I love you more everyday we’re together.”
I smiled and hugged him against me. About that time the front door opened and people started coming out. They must have just realized we were there. We broke away to give hugs and kisses to everyone as they came out. A few minutes later I thought we’d gotten everyone as I made my way back to Nick.
I stopped short when I saw Brian standing a few feet away from me. He was holding hands with someone. I figured it was Leigh Anne’s so I ignored him and walked back over to Nick. Once I reached him he grabbed my hand and pointed in the general direction Brian was in. I glanced back and saw it wasn’t Leigh Anne that was standing there holding Brian’s hand, it was Howie.
Nick’s POV
I couldn’t believe what I saw in front of me. Brian and Howie.
The two people who had shot daggers in my back because I was gay and in love with Kevin. Now they stood before me holding hands. I grabbed Kevin’s hands as he came to me and made him look too. I could tell he was feeling the same as I was.
I saw Anne usher everyone back into the house, giving us time to talk alone. I was angry. Maybe the angriest I’d ever been.
“What the fuck is going on?” I demanded.
“Umm,” Brian started to speak.
“We’re together now,” Howe said for him.
I watched the anger flash in Kevin’s eyes and I squeezed his hand tighter. “So you’re a fucking fag now church boy?” Kevin spat out at Brian.
I saw him flinch and I didn’t feel sorry for him. He had put me through hell and back and now it was his turn.
“We knew you wouldn’t understand,” Howie snapped.
“What’s to understand Howard?” I sneered. “I’m paralyzed and I tell you something that’s the best thing to ever happen to me and you shove it back in my face. You degraded me, snubbed Kevin. You turned your backs on us and in the end made us choose between being together and the group. Now you two are together and all of a sudden we’re supposed to understand where you’re coming from? You didn’t understand us. You hurt us more than you’ll ever know,” I yelled as tears started streaming down my face.
Kevin squatted down so he was level with me and took me in his arms. Howie and Brian tried to avoid looking at us.
“We’re sorry. We didn’t understand. Then all of a sudden everything ended and Leigh left me. I had no one to turn to but Howie. He felt the same way I did. Gradually we just started figuring out what you guys had wasn’t so wrong after all. We fell in love. We’re sorry we know that doesn’t make up for anything, but we wanted you to know that,” Brian stated.
I pulled away from Kevin and looked in his eyes. I could tell he was still angry and so was I.
“Just give us some time,” I said softly.
Kevin nodded his approval. I leaned into him and closed my eyes. Brian and Howie was something I’d never expected. It was totally unimaginable, but I’m sure Kevin and I were too at some point. God I love him. I still needed to find out hat was wrong with him. I decided as I wheeled myself into the house beside Kevin.
Kevin’s POV
I couldn’t believe Brian and Howie were together. It just made me angry that they degraded us so much and put Nick through hell and then they wind up together, and what us to understand.
I helped Nick into the house and was met with the smell of home cooked food. I loved coming home when my mom was cooking. I glance at Nick and noticed how wore out he looked. I helped him into the room we were staying in so he could lie down. I got him situated on the bed and turned to leave when I felt him grab my wrist and wouldn’t let me go. I turned back around and sat down on the mattress.
“What’s wrong baby?” I asked softly searching his eyes.
“Stay with me, don’t leave me,” he pleaded with me.
My heart melted and I slipped out of my jeans and slid in beside him. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around my neck. I hugged him to me tightly and kissed his forehead gently. I rocked him slowly as he slid deeper into the covers an fell asleep.
Nick’s Pov
When I woke back up it was dark outside. I move and reached for Kevin, but quickly found out he wasn’t there. I noticed that he’d moved my wheel chair near the bed so I could get into it easily. I laid there and stared at the ceiling for a while.
Kevin’s mood earlier immediately coming back into my mind. I laid there quietly trying to figure out what was wrong with him. I still felt like I’d done something to make him angry with me.
I got up slowly and maneuvered myself into my wheel chair. Once I was settled I wheeled myself out of the room and down the hall. I passed by a window and seen it was snowing. I stopped and watched the snow fall for a few moments before I continued trying to find Kevin.
All the lights seemed to be off and I figured everyone was asleep. As I got closer to the living room I noticed Kevin sitting by the fire crying. Before I entered the room I realized he wasn’t alone. I wheeled myself out of sight so I could try to hear what he was saying.
“I don’t know what to do anymore mom, “ I heard him say.
I figured whatever it was had to do with what was wrong with him earlier. I tried to stay quiet as I listened to Kevin talk.
“I feel so guilty. It’s hard to live with myself considering what I’ve done. I know it happened two years ago and I know what’s done is done, but If I hadn’t yelled at him that day he wouldn’t have drove off upset and gotten hit. If I had kept my mouth shut he wouldn’t have to suffer now. It’s my entire fault. It kills me to see him in so much pain everyday. “ He said softly.
I watched him collapse in tears. I felt my heart leap into my throat. He blamed himself for my accident. I felt my own eyes fill with tears as I thought about how much pain he must go through everyday thinking this was his fault. I felt like I couldn’t love him anymore than what I did at that moment.
“It’s not your fault Kevin. Nick doesn’t blame you,” Ann said sternly. “Have you talked to Nick about this?”
Kevin shook his head slowly. “I was always afraid of what he would think,”
I wheeled myself into the living room. ‘Baby it’s not your fault. “ I said gently.
His head snapped up and looked at me, the color leaving his face. “How much did you hear?” he managed to choke out.
Anne stood and left the room. I wheeled myself in front of him and took his hands.
“Why do you blame yourself Kevvy?” I asked softly.
He looked at me, his emerald green eyes looking straight into mine. “If it wasn’t for me then you wouldn’t be in this wheelchair.” He said choking on his words. “That day ruined your life, and I feel horrible for it.”
He dropped his head and let his tears fall.
“Baby don’t you know my life started that day? I’d waited my whole life to be with you. You’re my only hope for living. I had wanted you to love me for most of my life. My old life ended that day yes, but my new special life with you started that day. I love you more that life itself and if that day had never happened I’m not sure we would be here together now. I love that day because it brought me to you, where I always wanted to be,” I told him gently.
He looked at me and smiled as his tears continued to roll down his face.
“I love you so much,” He whispered.
I smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly. We pulled away and I wiped the tears from his eyes.
“Is that what was bothering you earlier?” I questioned.
He nodded. I wheeled myself closer and rested my head on his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and we watched the snowfall. Somewhere down the hall we hear the clock strike midnight. It was officially Christmas.
“Merry Christmas baby,” I whispered.
“Merry Christmas,”
We’d come so far and we loved each other so much. I know now that Kevin was my only hope for making it through everything I have, and I love him more because of it..