2001 & 2002 - The Album Was Music really able to heal souls? Was it able to heal Brian's soul? Nick wondered about these things a lot. He couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt his Frick when he had started to sell his body. The smaller man had always been proud and strong. That pride most certainly must have been hurt, when he became a prostitute. Nick didn't dare to ask how it began, he was too worried it might open any wounds and right now he mostly wanted Brian to forget about it. That had been one reason, why he took him into his studio to begin with. One of quite a few. Another one was the simple fact, that he had missed that voice. He would have never admitted it in the past, but for Nick Brian always did have the best voice of BSB. When he thought about it he realized that for him his Frick did also have a better voice than anybody in NSync and even anybody at all. He just loved the way he sounded, it was so soft and it carried deep emotions, something he had always struggled with himself. It had been part of what made him fall in love with Brian to begin with.
The day they first met Nick had already been struck by how attractive that then 18 year old man from Kentucky had been. When Kevin had said he would bring his cousin, he had imagined him to look way different a lot more like his oldest band mate. It had been quite a shock when he finally came. He looked anything but like Kevin. That curly hair, he wore styled up in those days, the chiseled features of his face, that always made him look a bit too young and those blue eyes so shining and deep not unlike his own. Nick had been fascinated already by just looking at him and then he sang. Goosebumps had run all over his body, because the tone of Brian's voice had just been that ethereal, angelic and sweet. The song was so fitting, too. Hallelujah originally performed by Leonard Cohen, it sounded like a whole different song as it left Brian's lips. It had been so beautiful.
Yes, Nick had fallen in love with that voice on the very first day and it wasn't fair, that the world didn't know about it. It had to. And that was what had given him the idea to record an album with his Frick. He wanted to show that voice to the world again. Additionally singing gave the smaller man something to do, that wasn't taking drugs or selling his body. Nick understood how empty life had probably felt for Brian. It was his instinct of understanding Frick. He always had possessed it, but never had the emotions he felt radiating from the other been so dark. When they had first met again it shocked him to realize, that Brian had lost all of his reasons to keep on living. Nick wanted to give them back to him. It started with the music, but eventually he wanted to fill his soul up with the love he felt. Perhaps it would give Brian the strength he needed.
If music really had the power to heal the soul he had to give it a try, because Brian's soul needed some healing. So they had started to record a few songs. They didn't need to write them, they already had throughout the years. Now was the moment, they could finally put them together. Nick wanted to include as many of their own songs on their record as possible, but there was one exception. Perhaps the idea had only been driven by the memory of the first time they met, but Nick wanted to have Brian record Hallelujah. That of course meant, he had to acquire the rights to that song. It had seemed way more difficult, than it actually was. One call to his record company and they had done all they had needed. It made him smile, because he knew that Brian loved that song. He hadn't revealed it to him right away, that they were going to sing it. He had waited for the right moment: Christmas.
That day had always been special to them. They both believed in god and Jesus, Brian even more so than him and Christmas was the most beautiful holiday they could imagine. On the 24th they had prepared everything, the candles, the wreaths and the Christmas-tree. They had even baked cookies, a memory that made Nick smile. He still could remember the heart-felt laugh of Brian, when Nick had somehow managed to get himself covered in flour. 'You look like a snowman!', his Frick had exclaimed before falling into laughter. It felt so good to hear it, he hadn't in a while. At that moment he swore to himself, that he would make Brian laugh again. He never wanted to see him sad again, he had been through too much darkness in his life. Now there had to be light and he wanted to give that to him.
The next day early on the 25th he had picked Brian up from his place. The older man had been somewhat nervous. "I haven't celebrated Christmas last year.", his Frick had confessed looking half-way through the ground. Nick knew that he was worried, that this made him a bad christian. It made him shake his head: "Don't worry, god knows about your struggles. He will understand!", he had tried to calm him down, but even though Brian smiled, Nick knew he was still worrying. There was nothing he could do about that, his love took those things way too serious. However, even though he couldn't chase away his thoughts about being a bad christian, he still could distract him from it. He knew the present he had prepared had the power to do that.
Excitement filled his heart, when they finally had made it home and he pushed Brian quite a bit to hurry until they reached the living room. He felt so happy as he saw his Frick smile, fascinated by the lights on the tree, kind of like a child. Brian was glowing in happiness, before he even had received his present and Nick loved it. For a while he just allowed the older man to enjoy the tranquility, but when he thought the right moment had come he pulled an envelope out of one of the close-by drawers. "Look Santa left something for you!", Nick announced and stepped over to Brian, who gasped as he took it. He looked at it in shock and suddenly seemed ashamed: "But Nick I don't have anything for you.", Brian spoke, but Nick shook his head before he responded, "Don't worry about it Bri. You being here smiling, that is all the gift I need.", it was true, he didn't want any more, because it made him truly happy. Brian blushed and Nick stepped closer to him, he had to use that chance: "Because I love you.", he said and as the smaller man looked up again he leaned down to give him a gentle kiss. This was also his present. He had Brian back with him for a week now and they hadn't truly kissed. So now was the time. Gently he suckled on Brian's lips, tugging on them, trying to entice him. His Frick was still blushed, but when he closed his eyes Nick knew he enjoyed it. It felt so good and Nick wanted more, but he wanted it from the Brian he knew, the one that took the lead. So he was patient, licking those lips and pulling on them, just trying to seduce his love. It worked. It did take a while, but finally it seemed like Brian couldn't take it anymore. Still holding the envelope in one hand he put the other on the back of Nicks head. He sunk his fingers into his hair, grabbed a fistful of it and then pulled him closer. "Nick...", he heard him speak under his breath, before Brian took what he wanted forcing his tongue into the taller mans mouth. There was definite passion in that kiss and Nick closed his eyes when their tongues met and started their dance. How he had missed that feeling. His Frick was such a great kisser, the sparks flying between them were evidence of that. He took his time too, exploring every nook and cranny of Nicks mouth before he pulled back with a mischievous grin on his face. "I love you too.", he finally responded in a tone so was so warm and true, that it created those tiny butterflies in his stomach, that he loved so much. Loving Brian was a tingling emotion, the best he had ever felt, he never wanted to miss it again.
"Open the envelope!", Nick demanded a little impatient. Maybe he was a little pushy, but he wanted to see those eyes light up yet again, he wanted to see that joy, he wanted Brian to be happy. As the smaller man noticed his impatience, he only giggled, but then complied with his request, opening his present to see what was inside. When he saw it Brian gasped and Nick smiled only brighter. "That's...", he started to speak, but Nick was the one to finish the sentence, "It's the rights to cover Leonard Cohens Hallelujah and... look below it!" Once again Brian did as he was told and as he saw the other gift his eyes filled with tears of happiness: "The One...", he spoke and Nick nodded, "I had to use all of my diplomatic skills to get Lou to give it to me.", he explained and noticed how Brian cringed lightly at the mention of that name, "I told him I met you and it's a Christmas present and I told him he had to think about god. I asked him what god would want him to do.", Nick explained with a smile. Brian couldn't hold back on the tears of happiness anymore and started to sob helplessly. Nick knew why he did it. That song meant so much, to both of them. Brian had written it just for him, so many years ago. Loosing it to Lou had been heartbreaking for him and now he had it back. Carried by a wave of emotions the smaller man kissed him again. Not as long this time, but just with as much love. As he did and Nick felt all that love inside of him he couldn't help but sigh happily into that kiss. When they parted Brian was still crying happy tears and Nick reached out a hand to wipe them away smiling. "Thank you...", Brian whispered as their eyes met and he carefully closed the envelope again.
That night they made love. It had been years since they did it, but it felt so right that day. Everything was perfect and right. When he gave himself to Brian, it was like an unspoken confirmation. They were a couple again, they didn't need to say it, because they felt it. And it was a wonderful feeling to belong to Brian again. To lay here below him, looking up into those sparkling eyes, filled with love. For a second Nick was reminded of his worries as Brian removed his shirt and he saw how thin he had become, but as the smaller man continued his trail of kisses those sorrows were washed away by pleasure. His angel was still so good in everything he did. He felt like dough under his skilled hands.
A whimper of lust escaped his throat when Brian entered him that night. How had he missed that. And as he looked up into those blues, they mirrored the deep love and lust written in his own opals. "I love you...", Nick moaned as Brian thrusted, deeply enjoying to be ravaged. It hadn't changed, his Frick was still no gentle lover, but that was what they both loved. As he carried them to new heights, fucking Nick and rubbing his cock, he felt as if he was losing any grip he had on reality. Nick was in dreamland now, far away carried on by their love-making. When Brian came and shot his load into him, Nick couldn't hold back either. They were connected, their feelings, their emotions, their bodies, when his angel reached the highest point of pleasure, so did he. And what an amazing climax it was. It left him panting and it left Brian's chest decorated with Nicks semen. As the younger man noticed that he couldn't help but giggle: "Dirty...", he said in a luring voice then gathered some of the stuff with his index finger, bringing it up to Brians lips. As his Frick licked it off, their gaze met again and the love for each other that they saw in their eyes filled both of them with happiness. In that moment Nick knew, that he would always belong to Brian, no matter how long they would be apart. It was meant to be that way.
-
What Nick didn't know, was that when he had fallen asleep that night Brian took his jeans and went into the bathroom. Despite how perfect the day had seemed, for Brian it was not. All his thoughts had been about this moment for hours. The moment when he took his drug again. While he loved Nick with all of his heart, he was still a junkie. They had tried to get him into a methadone program, but they hadn't gotten any response yet. He still needed heroin and it made him cry. How could he do that to Nick? How could he do that to himself? If he could have turned back time to before he took H he would have. But he could not. And so he had no other choice but to inject it. His whole body was shivering already when under tears he started to prepare the stuff. Only when the syringe finally entered his vein and he pressed down on it could he feel a wave of calmness rushing over his body.
-
3 months later:
It was done. Finally the last verse had been recorded. All they had worked so hard for in these last months was done. Nick just needed to put all songs on the CD and then they needed to send it to the record companies. One of them had to take them and then they would create the CDs that were sold at the retailers. It all looked like a bright future, but Brian felt sad. Over the last weeks being with Nick every day to record music had become some kind of routine. It had been something he enjoyed doing. It felt so good to sing again, especially when they did their duets. Being around Nick always filled him with joy, but singing with him was even more exciting. It reminded him of a time, when they still had been the Backstreet Boys: AJ, Kevin, Howie, Nick and him. How he missed those times. The years he spent in that 'boyband' had been the best of his life. He missed it and while the three months with Nick had been a reminder of the past, he knew now the recording was done it would be over.
Nick had already told him, that he needed to get back on tour with NSync soon. He planned to take him along, but Brian couldn't imagine how that would work. Those people he was touring with, they all worked for Lou and there was no other man he had ever despised like him. Brian would never be able to forgive him for what he did to the Backstreet Boys. It was not as if Nick had forgiven him, but different to Brian, he was willing to bend. The wish to give his family a better life was still strong in his younger lover. Thanks to NSyncs success he had been able to do that over the last years. If he now rebelled against Lou things would take a turn for the worse. It hurt that his boyfriend worked for that guy, but different than all those years ago Brian now understood why he did it. Now he knew, that it didn't change anything about their love for one another, that had grown so strong again since December.
And yet he was worried. Now that their recording was done things would change. He didn't want that. All that happiness he had felt everyday he had been with Nick, he didn't want to miss it. Still there was no way around it and the realization of that fact made tears drop from his eyes as he was sitting on the studios couch. When his Frack noticed that he moved closer. It was obvious, that he hated to see him cry, but Brian knew he understood why, even before Nick spoke: "Hey Bri... this is not the end, you know?", he tried to cheer him up and sat down next to him. "I will still call you every day and when the album hits the market we will go on vacation together, okay?", the taller blonde nuzzled up against Brian's neck. It were all gestures to make Brian feel better, but he simply couldn't. The way he saw things differed from Nicks: "You will be on tour soon Nick. I can't follow you there as much as you want me to, I can't.", Brian spoke and shook his head firmly as he sobbed. "But I will be back! Any time I have a chance I will travel back to LA.", Nicks response made Brian sigh deeply. Did he not understand, why he was so sad? "I don't know if I can make it without you. Nick, I'm scared!", Brian admitted what he was feeling even if it meant showing his vulnerabilities. He trusted Nick enough for that. His words caused the taller blonde to put his arms around him and pull him close, trying to give him protection. "Things will be fine Babe. Your methadone program starts in two weeks, you will see things will get way better then. And when I come back from tour we will celebrate.", there was so much hope and optimism in Nicks voice, but Brian had learned to be pessimistic. Most of the time, he found, things didn't turned out the way one wanted them to be. It was better to be skeptical, than to be hurt even more when things failed. Still he didn't want to disappoint Nick, so he wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to smile softly. It was hard, but he just managed and he was obviously good enough in pretending, that his lover bought it. "See that's it. Just a little hope.", his Frack said with a smile and gently nudged his shoulder. "I love you Brian and as long as I'm around I'll make sure that you will be fine.", he assured him shortly. Before Brian had the time to respond, the taller blonde stood up from the couch.
Curiously Brian eyed Nick, as he opened the door. "C'mon now It's time." For a moment Brian didn't know what he meant, but as he looked at the clock he gasped. It was already quite late. Nick wanted to bring him home. Part of him hated that idea, he rather would have stayed with his lover and cuddled up to him as long as he could. But the bigger part, his pride, kept him from sleeping at Nicks place all too often. Even though they were a couple again, he didn't want to abuse his generosity. That way of thinking was something that annoyed Nick greatly. He couldn't understand it and he was always sad when he needed to drive Brian back home. Right now it was no different. Brian could see the sadness in those blue eyes. Sadly the only way to take away that emotion from his Fracks face, was a way he couldn't walk. The only way he could have made him happy was Brian staying for night at the mansion. Since that was a no-go Brian didn't address it. Instead he walked over to Nick and gave him a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I love you too.", he spoke in a soft voice, then pushed past Nick out of the studio. How Brian would miss him, when he was gone.