Pairing(s): Nick/Kevin Rated: R Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Originally Published: Early 2000's
I'm standing on a bridge I'm waitin in the dark I thought that you'd be here by now There's nothing but the rain No footsteps on the ground I'm listening but there's no sound
I stood on the bridge staring out into complete darkness. I stood there waiting, waiting for someone to come looking for me. Anyone, especially him. I wanted away from my life. A life that I had to constantly watch myself so I wouldn’t reveal my feelings. It hurt so bad to love him so much and him be totally oblivious to it. What was worse was he was one of my best friends, my little brother. There had to be something wrong with me. Normal people didn’t fall in love with their male best friends. It just wasn’t right. But yet I’d managed to beat the odds and do it. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. I feel so…alone. Like I have for the past few months. I needed away from all of it.
Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't someone please take me home? It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Won't you take me by the hand Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are But I'm, I'm with you
I figured by now though someone would have come looking for me. I guess not. They probably don’t even realize I’m gone. I’ve been gone since sunset. It started raining right after I left the hotel and it had yet to stop. It was already after one in the morning so they should know I’m not there. The rain continued to fall as strong and hard as the pain in my chest. I only saw rain. It was all around me, covering me. I wished it would hide me and never reveal me again. Nobody would really miss me.
Maybe it was better that I jumped off this bridge. After all that’s what I came out here to do. It was just another bridge in some meaningless town. If I didn’t do it here the would always be another bridge in another city. We had been through so many states lately I didn’t even know where we were anymore. I had come out here to jump, but I chickened out. I had hoped though that someone would come after me.
There was nothing but the rain out here with me. The area around the bridge was a calm stillness. It was almost eerie how quiet it was. My ears kept straining to hear the sound of footsteps to show that someone really cared. I listened, but there was never any sound. I was alone out here that thought hadn’t set in yet. The only company was the rain that continued to fall still. I just wanted someone to care, someone to prove my life as worth living.
I pulled the hood of my coat on tighter. It was getting colder. I could feel my feet going numb. Today had been especially hard and I felt distant from everyone. Like none of them needed me anymore. So I decided I’d run. I guess I proved myself right. None of them came. Them must not need me. I figured I’d go somewhere away from all of it. So here I stood on the bridge, alone.
I'm looking for a place Searching for a face Is there anybody here I know Cause nothings going right And everything’s a mess And no one likes to be alone
I gasped softly when I heard a noise. It was too far away to know for sure what it was. I knew what I wanted it to be. The noise stopped and my heart sunk. I turned around and was met with darkness. I climbed up on the second wood panel of the bridge. I thought about how much better off I’d be if I just jumped. I wouldn’t have to live with the heartache of seeing him each day and I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain when he found out how I felt. It seemed like the best solution to my problem.
“Don’t jump!” someone yelled from the shadows. I jumped slightly and climbed down.
“Nicky,” I asked attentively. Praying it was really him.
He stood away from me underneath a streetlight. I could see enough to know it was indeed Nick. He slowly advanced towards me. I stood there waiting for him to reach me. Once he got close enough I could see he was shaking. I figured he’d walked and had gotten frozen. I was beyond the point of frozen.
“What are you doing here Nick,” I asked him softly. Somehow needing his answer.
“I followed you earlier. I would have approached you sooner if I thought you were going to try to off yourself.” He said softly. “Why did you try to do that Kevin?” He asked his voice somehow pained.
I walked toward the middle of the bridge and sat down. He followed suit. “I was just tired of everything Nicky. It just hurts to much to be alone,” I looked away from him so he wouldn’t see I wasn’t telling him everything.
“I’m with you,” He whispered. I laughed bitterly.
“This is different Nicky,” I said harshly. I didn’t mean to be mean, but my emotions were getting the best of me.
“No Kev, I really don’t think it is.” He replied honestly.
My temper won out and I flew off the handle. “No Nickolas, you don’t know what it’s like going through everyday of your life for the past two years alone and having to see the one you love so much and not be able to be with them. You haven’t had to hide your feelings day end and day out. So no Nick it’s not the same,” I turned away from him so I didn’t see the tears begin to cascade down his face.
“Your wrong. I know I’ve lived through everyday since I was 16 pretending to be something I’m not. Hiding the way I feel. I know exactly what you’re going through, but look at it my way. You’ve never had to watch the person you love more than anything try to kill themselves. “ He said softly through his tears.
My blood ran cold. Did he just say what I thought he did? Did he mean what I hoped he meant? I tensed. “What do you mean Nicky?” I asked almost chocking on the question.
“I love you Kevin. So much it hurts and I just saw you try to throw yourself off a bridge. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to give me the chance to love you and then I see you out here saying you’re all alone and trying to off yourself. That’s what I meant,” He managed to get out.
“I love you too Nicky,” I said softly.
“Don’t you dare fuck with me Kevin!” he yelled at me. I turned and faced him.
The tears were streaming down his face. I could feel them going down mine as well even though I’m not sure when I started crying. “I’m not,” I whispered. I met him halfway and wrapped him in my arms. Words of love were whispered back and forth as we stood there in the rain.
Nick met his eyes with my own. “Don’t you ever think you’re alone again. Cause I’m with you,”
Take me by the hand Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are But I'm, I'm with you I'm with you