I felt like my whole world had just come crashing down around my shoulders. A million questions plagued my mind as I watched Kevin take off for the woods. I turned away from the window and fell in a heap on the couch. Then I let the tears come.
Why did he kiss me back only to push me away and leave?
I knew I should have controlled myself better. I had opened my eyes and watched Kevin sing me the rest of the song. I loved to hear Kevin sing it. It had been my favorite song for years because Kevin sang it to me every night.
When I was with Alex, I would lie awake at night listening to that song on repeat, because it made me feel closer to Kevin. I had figured Kevin had forgotten about the song until it came on the radio.
He was beautiful. I couldn’t get myself to focus on anything but his arms wrapped tightly around me and how soft his lips looked. I kept wondering what it would feel like to kiss him. So I leaned up and kissed him lightly. When he responded to me it felt like heaven, then when he pushed me away it was hell.
I buried my head in my hands and cried until the sun went down and darkness fell upon the cottage. Kevin still wasn’t back yet so I decided to take a shower.
The phone rang before I could get up. I reached over the arm of the couch and picked up the phone. No one answered when I said hello. There was only heavy breathing like the phone call I’d gotten the day before. This was the second phone call I had gotten like this and it was starting to get on my nerves. The voice on the other end laughed softly then hung up. Thinking it was Aaron; I hung up and continued on into the bathroom to take my shower.
I took my time not wanting to face Kevin if he was back yet. I still felt like crying every time I thought about the kiss. When I got out of the shower I could hear someone banging around in the kitchen. I went through my drawers trying to find my MADE hoodie and some sweat pants. I found them and quickly got dressed. I padded into the kitchen and sat down quietly at the table.
Kevin was hovered over the stove cooking something that smelt delicious. He hadn’t heard me come in so when I spoke he jumped in surprise.
“Why did you leave?” I asked trying to keep the hurt out of my voice.
“I needed to think” Kevin answered back. He seemed tense and on edge. I didn’t want to make him angry, but I really wanted to understand why he pushed me away, so I pressed harder.
“Why did you push me away?” I asked softly His shoulders sagged and he sighed deeply.
“Nick,” he said a warning in his voice.
I wouldn’t drop it though. So I got up and walked up behind him. I wrapped my arms around his waist loosely and rested my head on his back. “Why Kevvy?” I asked tears coming to my eyes.
I tried to blink the tears back willing myself not to start crying. It didn’t work though. Kevin turned around and took me into his arms holding me tightly. He kissed my forehead and hugged me to him.
“I didn’t want to push you away Nick. I’m just not sure we should start anything right now. I wanted to kiss you, I loved kissing you, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t think we should start a relationship right now ok? Lets wait and see if this is really what we want ok?” Kevin said gently.
I understood what Kevin was saying, but it still felt as though he was rejecting me.
If Kevin wanted to wait, I would wait. I would wait my whole life for Kevin.