It was surprising how much could change in half a year. Six months ago Brian had still been member of the Backstreet Boys, now things were different. After winning the lawsuit Lou had done everything in his power to make sure they paid for ever bringing charges up against him. First he had taken their equipment, then he had taken their name. They were simply not allowed to perform as the 'Backstreet Boys' anymore and everything they ever produced under that name was property of Lou. That meant that the amount of money they got from their old albums was minimal. And they were not even allowed to produce new albums. At least not as the 'Backstreet Boys'. They certainly could have chosen another band name to produce new songs, but all the things that happened had put a strain on their relationship. Brian felt as if he was in the center of it all. He had not spoken to Kevin for months and the last talk he did have with Howie had ended in an argument. Both of his former older band-mates blamed him for everything that happened. On the other side of the argument were AJ and Nick, who had his back. Brian was glad, that at least those two saw, that the only person to blame in this was Pearlman. After all it had been Lou, who had used them and it had just not felt right to continue working their asses off while not getting paid properly. True, they now were in an even worse position, but that was nothing that Brian could have expected to happen. He still thought the verdict had been false, but it had been a final decision.
Ever since then his life had changed so much. Without touring and interviews everything had slowed down to nearly a snails pace. Where his time schedule had once been demanding, he now found himself bored more often than not. It was just hard to get used to a normal life again. After basically loosing his job, Brian had moved into a smaller place somewhere close to Downtown LA. It was the wisest thing to do, because he was aware that the money he had left wouldn't last forever. Of course his parents had offered him to come back to them, but that was out of question. He felt much too old for that. Moreover Kentucky was not where he wanted to be anymore. It was not like he hated the place, but his boyfriend was living in Los Angeles. They wanted to move together. The flat Brian had gotten was supposed to be their future home. He had to smile when he thought about it. Living under the same roof still seemed like a distant dream, but the day Nick would move in was close. He could hardly wait for it to come. Over the last few weeks they had spent a lot of time together. Many of those days when Nick came to visit, he had also stayed for the night. Still if he finally moved in, he never would need to leave again and that was a thought that excited Brian. It was the one thing that made him hope for a better future. Sadly that was also the only thing.
While living with his boyfriend seemed like a dream that would soon come true, his current life was anything but dream-like. With 'Backstreet Boys' being a thing of a past Brian was without a job. He didn't even know what to do yet. Of course continuing to make music was the most logical plan, but he had not decided yet if he should do so together with AJ and Nick or as a solo artist. They had talked about it. Continuing as a group certainly was the preferred choice, but with Kevin and Howie being mad with Brian, they were only three guys left. They had debated to find two other members, but that just wouldn't be right. As much as Kevin and Howie had been in the background in their songs, they still needed them for the distinct sound they had. He hated to admit that, because it meant that if they wanted to continue as a group, Brian had to talk to their older companions. A few weeks ago he had tried to talk to Howie, but he had told him to never speak to him again. He was pissed at him, thought he ended it for them all. Just the same as Kevin, who Brian had avoided. While things with Howie were difficult, things with Kevin were nearly impossible. The words he had spoken to him had been so hurtful. Their friendship was over and he didn't even want to call Kev family anymore. Neither of them had made any attempt to reach out to the other yet and he didn't expect that to change soon. So continuing as a group was more than difficult and as they had realized that, they thought about solo-projects. AJ had been the one to bring it up and in the beginning it had felt strange to speak about it at all. Still they talked, since they wanted to make sure none of the others was upset, if they went solo. They didn't want to become enemies just because of the career path they decided to take. Luckily they all agreed, that going solo didn't mean betraying the others. Right now it pretty much seemed like it was the only way to continue being successful.
From that day on they all had begun working on their solo careers. Especially Nick seemed to be excited at that prospect. Over the weeks he had shown several songs to Brian and asked for his opinion. He liked them, their sound was quite different from their pop songs. His boyfriend had chosen to try and release a grunge album in the spirit of Nirvana. It was shocking how well Nicks voice suited that kind of music and Brian had no doubts, that he would make it big as soon as his album hit the market. Today was another one of those days, where Nick had promised to play him new songs and Brian couldn't wait. He loved it when Nick sang to him, no matter what music and it made him feel warm inside to know that he was the first persons to hear his new songs. He wasn't here yet, but he wanted to drop by today. They wanted to spend the night together again. A content sigh escaped his throat as he was tidying up the bed. For a second he wondered, why he even did it, since it certainly wouldn't stay as tidy as soon as the night arrived. Not with the things Nick and him tended to do. But it was just nicer to crawl into a nicely made bed, then into one that still showed signs that someone slept in it the night before. He was just working on the pillows, when he heard his mobile phone ring.
With a quick motion he let go of the cushions and grabbed for his phone instead. 'AJ' he could see on the display before he took the call: "Hey Aje!", he spoke unable to hide his good mood, "Rok, sit down!", AJ on the other hand didn't sound happy at all. The way he was telling him to have a seat was quite worrying. "What is it Alex?", he didn't sit down yet though, he didn't like to be ordered around. "It's Nick!", now AJs words were really making him gasp. What was up with Nick? What terrible thing could have happened? Was he sick? Did he get hurt? As all kinds of worrying pictures found their way into Brians mind, he decided to sit down after all, taking a seat on a couch located on the other side of the room. "You're scaring me Alex. What's the matter? Please tell me Nick is alright.", Brian pressed the phone a bit closer to his ear as he spoke, not on purpose but because his body tensed up. "Sure he is fine. More than fine, Bri. But you will not like what I'm going to tell you. He betrayed us.", it was odd that despite AJs words Brian felt somewhat relieved. Nick wasn't hurt, that was at least something, but what did he mean: betrayed them? After a moment of silence his younger friend spoke on: "Nick joined NSync... can you believe that? NSync. Timberlake wanted to leave or something and now..."- "You can't be serious Aje, quit playing with me.", he had to interject. That was unbelievable, his boyfriend wanted to go solo not join a band that used to be their rival and was managed by the same guy that destroyed them. "It's true Rok, he told me. Nick's taking Justins spot!", despite AJs words Brian still couldn't believe it. "No you're lying. Good one, you got me. Quit playing now, please.", he was aware how desperate he sounded, but he didn't like that joke AJ was playing on him. "Dude, I'm not joking. I'm serious I swear on my mothers life. Nick betrayed us.", those words made him gasp. Swearing on the life of his mother was something Alex wouldn't do lightly, but still it felt so hard to believe him. How could Nick betray them like that? The news had to be wrong, but AJ had said he heard it from Nick himself. His Nick, his beautiful, loving boyfriend. It simply could not be true. He didn't want to believe it. "No.", but even though that word escaped his throat part of him knew AJ wasn't lying. The stinging pain he felt in his stomach was telling him it was true. "I'm sorry Bri, I know you love him. If you need someone to talk, I can be over in fifteen minutes." Brian shook his head "Aje... thank you, but... I need to be alone.", he couldn't have AJ come, when he expected Nick to appear any second. He had to talk to him about this. "I... I call you..", Brian added and ended the call as quick as he could, before the tears that had gathered in his eyes started to fall. - Nick dreaded the moment that was approaching very quickly. He had to talk to Brian. Tell him, that he had decided to replace Timberlake in their former rival band. Thinking about telling his boyfriend made his stomach turn. Nick knew, that it wouldn't be easy. Not only did he join their rivals, he also went back to a band managed by Lou Pearlman. It had not been an easy decision, he hated that guy with all his heart, but he felt it was the best he could do. Nick had always wanted to support his family. He didn't like to remember his childhood, but it hadn't been good. His siblings were supposed to have a better life without worrying about money. All he wanted was to provide for them. While he possibly could have done so with a solo career as well, he wasn't so certain, that he would become successful. With NSync however success seemed to be guaranteed. They already had started to branch out into the US and the american teens seemed to enjoy their music. Still he had hesitated. When Lou had called him, Nick had shouted at him. What gave him the idea to contact him after all he did to him and his friends? But after shouting so long, that he nearly lost his voice Lou had made that offer and Nick had fallen silent. That bastard, he had him caught like a fish from the sea. Nick was very much aware, that Pearlman knew what he was doing. He knew, that he wouldn't be able to deny an offer like that. Especially not when he said: "They payment will be better than with Backstreet. Think about your family.", that asshole was putting salt into his wound. If AJ could have heard that, he probably would have driven all the way to Florida to beat the living shit out of Lou. That guy would have deserved it as well. Bastard. And yet Nick had taken the offer and it hurt. He couldn't really be happy about it. Sure he now had an opportunity to provide for his family again, but he had betrayed his friends, betrayed Brian.
When he had called AJ about it he was testing the grounds. Perhaps if he found out how Alex reacted, he could get a better idea of what Brian would say. Sadly the call had not really gone well. It had started cordially, but it soon went downhill. As soon as Nick mentioned Pearlman the mood of the talk changed and as he explained that he now would be a member of NSync AJ lost it. "You fucking asshole. You! How could you? Betraying us like that, betraying Brian!?", he still remembered how agitated his former friend had been, when he had shouted those words at him and then even more, "How could you do that to Bri? You're dead to me Nick! Don't ever call me again!" and then the call had ended, leaving him in tears. Of course he had expected the talk to be difficult. But AJ bringing up Brian and telling him that for him he was dead, it hurt. He had not even given him the chance to explain himself. After the talk Nick had cried for hours. He had lost a friend and it would even get worse. How would that talk go with Brian? Part of him wanted to say nothing to him at all, but it was not like he could avoid talking about it. As soon as he started going on tour, things would reveal themselves. It was better to speak about it right away, than keeping it a secret.
So despite all of his fears, he had made his way over to Brians place. He was supposed to meet him today anyhow. The plan had been something else, but still his boyfriend should be expecting him. For a few moments he just stared at the door leading into Brians flat. They had wanted to move together soon. He hoped he wouldn't destroy that dream. As he rang the bell, he could feel his stomach aching. This wasn't going to be easy.
-
He was here. The ringing of the doorbell alerted him of it. Nick had come. While hours ago, he would have been delighted and happy, now he felt empty. He didn't know what to feel anymore, but he still didn't want to believe what AJ said was true. So after a moment of hesitation he made his way to the door and pulled it open. There he was, the love of his life. He was smiling and he still was so beautiful, but Brian could see his worry. When he looked into his eyes he saw it, there was no happiness in there.
This couldn't be true.
With a sigh he made room, so Nick could walk past him into the flat. He was looking onto the ground as he made his way past him. "Where is your guitar, Nick?", the first question that came into his mind. Didn't he want to play his new songs to him? He still didn't want to believe what AJ said, there probably was a good explanation, why he came here without an instrument. "I... don't need it today.", the hesitation in Nicks words wasn't lost on Brian and he frowned lightly. "But I love to hear you sing to me. I was looking forward to hear your new songs. When..." - "Brian, I won't be doing any new songs anymore.", as the younger blonde interjected Brian gasped. What did that mean? "Why?", he was afraid to ask this question, because he didn't want to hear the answer, but he couldn't hold back on it.
It couldn't be true.
"I know this will be hard on you, but please let me explain.", Nick turned to face him. When their eyes met, they both could see each others sadness. For a moment there was perfect silence when his younger love hesitated to speak on. When he did though Brian tensed up: "I decided to join NSync." Immediately it felt as if his world was breaking down around him. AJ had told the truth after all and yet: "No, you are lying. You and AJ playing these games with me. Stop it! It's not funny!", his voice sounded as distraught as he felt. "AJ told you?", now Nick gasped and came closer. "It's no game babe.", Nick was being serious. As much as Brian did not want to believe him, he couldn't keep denying it. It was true and Brian didn't know if he should be sad or angry. He most of all felt hurt and a frightening coldness started to enclose his heart. For a moment he just stared at Nick. When the younger man decided to come even closer Brian narrowed his eyebrows. And as he attempted to touch his shoulder he pulled back. "Don't touch me!", his words were sharp and clear. He had betrayed him, his boyfriend had betrayed him. As he made a few steps backwards he felt new sickness rising in his stomach and it was mixing up with the anger that still resided there. "How could you?", he spit out those words, "After all Lou has done to us, to me. How could you, Nick?", Brian felt his body shiver in a mix of emotions when he spoke and he clenched his fists in order to control himself. "I...", Nick paused as he examined him, Brian could see the devastation in his eyes, "Brian please don't be angry, I took the offer because I want to provide for my family!"
Don't be angry? Those words only agitated him more. How could he not be angry, when Nick betrayed him like that? "Bullshit!", and then it just came out of him, "You could have provided for your family by going solo as well. You did not need to go back to Lou. Damnit Nick.", he shook his head and was silent for a moment, but as he noticed Nick wanted to say something he raised his voice again: "I don't want to hear it, Nick. I don't want to hear anything of you anymore. I thought you loved me. Did you even once consider to call me BEFORE you made that decision? Did you even hesitate to think about it.", he huffed, "Do you think it is easy for any of us? We all wanted to give our families a great life, not only you. Did you see any of us running back to Lou?" he shook his head once more, then walked to the door ripping it open with full force. "And the worst part of it is that I thought you loved me. I thought you really did. I thought you cared for me.", as he spoke those words Brian could not hold back on the tears anymore. He sobbed and they started to run down his cheek and as he looked over his shoulder he saw Nick was crying too. "Brian, please... I do love you. Please... don't make me leave.", and now he was begging. It was not easy to see Nick like this, he still loved him and it hurt to have him cry, but what he had done was bad. He couldn't just forget about being betrayed like that. He had broken his heart and his trust and Brian seriously doubted that Nick had ever loved him if he went back to Lou of all people.
"Stop lying Nick. Go! I never want to see you again!", and he pointed at the door he had opened. When Nick didn't move and opened his mouth to say more words, Brian made a few quick steps closer and grabbed him by the wrist. "Shut it and Go, Nick! It's over.", he dragged him along and basically threw him out of his flat, slamming the door close behind him.
And as he sank down on the door his back against it he could hear Nick hammering at it. He was calling his name, pleading to be let back in. It was sad, but Brian did not allow him to come back inside. He had broken his heart. No he had ripped it out of his chest to stomp on it. It hurt so much and he couldn't stop himself from crying. After ten minutes the hammering stopped and Brian knew that Nick had left. This was it, it was over. And as the realization hit him he sunk even farther down till he was laying on the ground. He couldn't hold back on the shivering anymore and the emotions grabbed him. So many tears were running down his cheek, that his eyes were starting to burn. How could he continue life without Nick? And as the loneliness fell upon him, he searched for his phone. If he wanted to avoid going mad, he had to talk to someone. And so he called AJ.