Pairing(s): Nick/Kevin Rated: R Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes Originally Published: Early 2000s
Kevin’s POV
I pulled into the familiar drive and sat there for a while running through my thoughts. I had finally got enough courage to come here. Now all I had to accomplish was making myself get out of the car and into the house. The house on the outside looked exactly as I last remembered it. I only hoped that he hadn’t changed.
That he didn’t hate me.
Rejection I could take, after everything I did to him I could handle being rejected. I had broken his heart, but I only hoped he didn’t hate me. I needed him to know I still loved him, that I was divorced, that I needed him back.
Nick’s POV
My breath caught in my throat as I saw the familiar car coming up my driveway. He was alone that much I could tell from my place at my window. A million thoughts ran through my head as I watched him out the window.
Why was he here? After all he’s done, why is he here?
Where was Kristin? Why wasn’t he with her?
A lot of questions that needed answers. He continued to sit in his car. I wondered how long he’d sit there before he’d come inside. He couldn’t see me from where I sat at my window, so he had no idea I knew he was here. I was scared to find out why he was here. I had a feeling that he was here to rub it in my face that he was married. He was probably here to make me feel worse for still loving him. He was good at that.
I seen him move to open the door and climb out of his car. I left the window to meet him at the door.
Kevin’s POV
I finally got the nerve to leave the car. He opened the door before I even had the chance to knock, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He stared back and moved so I could come inside. He looked as torn up as I felt. I hated knowing that I caused his pain. I only hoped he would hear me out and take me back. I longed for him to forgive me because I was dangerously in love with him. He was the air I breathed and not being around him I was lifeless.
I hungered for his touch like I yearned to live. He’s all I needed to be happy and he’s the one thing I don’t have, the look in his eyes wouldn’t work to my advantage. I wasn’t sure what to say. All I knew was seeing him made my heart ache. I hated seeing him in so much pain, knowing it was my fault was just too much.
He led me into his living room and sat on the couch. I sat in the chair across from him. I studied my hands for the longest time.
“Why are you here Kevin?”
The moment of truth and I couldn’t talk. Words could not express how much I loved him. I broke down and buried my head in my hands.
“I love you,” I managed to choke out.
“Shut up! Just shut the hell up Kevin! Stop trying to feed me all these lies!” Nick spat at me.
He jumped off the couch and started pacing.
“Please hear me out,” I begged.
“Why the fuck should I listen to you, you Kevin of all people?” he demanded.
I stood and retrieved the folded papers from my coat pocket. I handed them to him and returned to the couch. He looked at me quizzically. I dropped my head in my hands to avoid his eyes.
Nick’s POV I couldn’t believe what he just handed me. Divorce papers, his divorce papers. Signed by him and Kristin and authorized by Kevin’s lawyer. The look of shock wouldn’t leave my face.
Why did he just give me these? He looks so hot sitting over there like that. Maybe he was here to apologize. Maybe he’s here to tell me how much he misses me.
“Kev?” I said. He looked at me and the haunted look in his eyes scared me. I sat back down on the couch never breaking eye contact.
“Why?” I managed to choke out.
“I got your letter,” Kevin said running his fingers through his hair.
I looked down when he did that. “Why did you hurt me?”
Kevin’s POV
I knew I had a lot of explaining to do. He would probably not want me back but I needed to tell him.
“I was scared,” I started.
He looked at me disgustedly for a moment.
“What do you mean you were scared?” he demanded. His eyes flashing with anger.
“I had never loved somebody as much as I loved you and it scared me. I was scared of totally depending on one person to make me happy, to make me whole. I knew you were my soul mate, and it scared me. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I was afraid the other guys would hate us and you would eventually end up blaming me for it, and leave me. I couldn’t take the thought of you leaving me so I left you. I know you hate me for it now, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I asked Kristin to marry me, to help me distance myself from you. I loved her but my love for you was true, was real. My love for her was forced. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I see know how stupid my idea was. I love you so much. I kept a journal for the short time we were together. It had everything about you and me in it. I wrote about the first time I met you to when I realized I was falling in love with you. I wrote all my feelings for you in there. She found it one day and demanded a divorce.”
I glanced over at Nick. He was crying silently. He had his head in his hands and his shoulders were shaking as he cried. I continued.
"I know I made the wrong decision, I know I made some stupid choices, and I know I hurt you badly. But I love you so much. It haunts me day and night that I’m not with you. I never wanted it to come to this. I never thought I could feel this way for another person. I would give my life to make sure you were happy and not hurting. I would do anything to make you happy. I would do everything in my power to make sure you never hurt again. I know I messed up before and I know what I did, there’s no easy way out. I want you back so bad. I’m dangerously in love with you, I want to be with you.” I dropped back in to the couch and dropped my head in my hands, unable to meet his eyes.
We sat there in silence for a while.
“ I love you too,” He choked out from across the room.
I looked up and saw the tears streaking down his cheeks. I opened my arms and Nick was in them immediately.
“I love you, I don’t know why. I don’t want to but I do, I love you so much.” I hugged him tightly to me. I rocked us both softly back and forth. I finally pulled away and looked him in the eyes.
“You are my life, my heart, and my soul. If you give me another chance, I swear to you I will never do anything to hurt you again.” My stomach knotted as I waited for his answer.
“Yes, I want to be with you. I love you so much. It hurts not being able to be with you. “ I smiled and wiped the tears away from his eyes. I pulled him down next to me on the couch, till he was lying by my side.
“Were going to be ok,” Nick, said.
“Yeah we are, I love you so much.” I said kissing the top of his head.
“I love you to Kev,” He laced our fingers together and held my hand against his chest. He laid his head against my shoulder. I rested my head above his.
I had him back, and it was the best feeling in the world.