Pairing(s): Nick/Kevin Rated: R Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Originally Published: Early 2000's
Everyday just seems so long Every minute that I’m here without you Will tomorrow ever come? Will I ever get the chance to feel you? I need you so much
Nick closed his eyes as he felt the tears starting to well up. He blinked a few times to keep them from falling. He hated feeling so vulnerable, so upset. This was his entire fault anyway; He’s the one who inflicted this earth shattering pain on himself. Now he had to deal with it. He had to learn to live without Kevin.
He could do this, He could live without Kevin. At least that’s what he tried to convince both of them that night that tore Nick’s life apart. That’s what he thought when he broke up with him.
Nick had always prided himself on being in control of everything at all times. He liked to be the dominant on in a relationship. He like the feeling of being superior to his partner. With Kevin all of that was different. Kevin was the one in charge, he was the one taking control and taking care of Nick. He’d always played the protective role in Nick’s life. Nick didn’t know how to handle not being in control. It scared him, he didn’t like it, he wasn’t used to it. He wasn’t used to being taken care of in a relationship. So instead of talking it out with Kevin he thought he was doing them both a favor by making them go their separate ways.
Now it seemed Nick was on a roller coaster of emotions and he couldn’t hold on much longer. He was losing control fast and he didn’t know what to do about it. He needed Kevin a hell of a lot more than he cared to admit to anyone.
Kevin was so close. Nick could feel the heat radiating off his body when he was near. He could physically reach out and touch him, but at the same time Kevin was a millions of miles away. He was out of reach. He didn’t want anything more to do with Nick. Nick hated knowing it was his fault.
Nick only wished that he could go back and change everything that had went down that night. He opened his eyes and pushed the door to the meeting room open. He glanced around and took notice to the fact that the only available chair was next to Kevin. The next couple of hours would be torture
~*~
You're out of reach but you're so close You're out of reach but you're so close I need you so much….
Nick slammed his hotel door shut as he entered the room. He hated his life. He hated everything. He hated himself for being a stupid asshole and single-handedly ruining the best relationship he’d ever had.
The meeting had been awful. Sitting next to Kevin that long and knowing he couldn’t touch him or talk to him had driven Nick crazy. So many times through out the meeting he’d wanted to just reach out and touch Kevin. He needed to feel him, love him. The fact that he couldn’t was eating him up inside. Nick missed Kevin’s touch; he missed the gentle way he kissed him ever so softly when no one was watching. He missed waking up in his arms after one of their many nights of passion. He missed the feeling of being completely owned by another person. He missed the loving looks that Kevin used to shoot him, knowing they were for him and, him alone. If Nick closed his eyes he could almost imagine that Kevin was there with him, loving him, needing him. But Kevin wasn’t there, and it was Nick’s fault.
Another room where I can hide Another night without you here beside me Cuz' I don’t want to fake it I'm just trying to make it, yeah I need you so much
Sometimes just being in the same room with Kevin was too hard to bear. He felt like they were sucking the oxygen from his lungs. He couldn’t stay in the room any longer or he would fall apart with everyone watching. So he’d fled the room and locked himself in a linen closet. The closet door shut as Nick hid himself safely inside. He fell to his knees and tried to muffle the sobs that overtook his body. He tried to keep quiet so they wouldn’t find him, he couldn’t let them see him like this. He was falling apart. It took everything he had just to get up in the mornings. He wondered if it was worth it anymore. Maybe he should just give up, stop trying. The rest of the guys wouldn’t come looking for him. They were smart enough to figure out that he’ couldn’t take it anymore. He needed Kevin more than ever, but his pride kept him from admitting it.
Nick couldn’t fake it though; He couldn’t survive without Kevin, so if breaking down in a closet, when Nick just couldn’t take it anymore then that’s what he’d do. He especially hated how Kevin acted like it wasn’t bothering him at all. That alone made Nick constantly wonder if Kevin had, had plans of his own to split them up. That kept him awake at night, wondering if Kevin had wanted this as much as Nick had though he did.
Kevin was only in the next room. He was close, maybe even too close. But yet he was so far out of reach.