It was an ordinary night in December. The full-moon did its best to shine brighter than the lights of Los Angeles. It truly never had the power to do so, because the moons light wasn't its own. The light that white orb reflected was just borrowed by the sun, which was so far away. In winter nights like these it seemed even further off in the distance. Here in California it never became truly cold, but it was evident that summer had long passed. A fresh breeze was playing across the neat lawns decorating the entrances to so many millionaire mansions. Nick was out tonight. There was a movie playing in cinema, that he really liked. The movie called 'Lord Of The Rings' was based on a book and it was different to anything, that he had seen before it. He had been to the movie twice before, but it was so good, that he wanted to see it another time. The cinema wasn't that far away either, so he had decided to take the bike. Since Nicks mansion was situated pretty high in the hills, that meant that on his way there he could just let it roll. Of course that also meant, that the way back up would be exhausting, but that was a thought for later.
For now he was enjoying the wind playing with his hair as he drove past the buildings that belonged to his neighbors. Nick barely knew any of them. It was not like he didn't care, there was just rarely any time to get to know them. Most of the time he was out on tour. And even if he was at home, the people that lived close-by were just as busy as him. It was normal not to meet any person outside in the neighborhood for months. So Nick was actually surprised when he saw someone stand on the sidewalk. He had seen him from far away as he came through a gate leading to a property with a building on it, that was large even for this part of town. Strange. Nick could have sworn, that the villa belonged to an older man. This guy did seem rather young. As Nick rolled closer he found himself examining that guy, who somehow managed to catch his attention. He didn't fit here. His clothes were anything but fancy, he was way too thin and his hair seemed messy as well. And yet those locks caught his attention. It was bleached blonde, but even though the colour was off it was curly just like Brian's. Interestingly that guy had the same height as Brian, too. Nick couldn't help but sigh about the fact, that even a random stranger still could remind him about his ex-boyfriend. Once again another sign for the fact, that he never could forget about his true love, no matter how hard he tried. And yet despite the fact, that the man brought up such memories Nick couldn't pull his eyes away. He just had to look at him. And as Nick finally rolled up behind the smaller man, he raised his voice: "Hey nice fresh evening tonight, eh?", he called out and stopped his bike.
What happened next made Nick freeze on the spot. As the man with the curls turned around it was as if time stood still. Nick couldn't stop his mouth from falling open in surprise and shock. That jawline, those eyes, everything about that face. It had become a little bit gaunt, but there was no doubt, that this face was Brian's. When their eyes met they both gasped. "Brian!", Nick was the first to find his voice again, but he didn't have any words. What did you say to a person you hadn't seen in a few years? What did you say to a person you still loved? He had never expected to meet him again and now he was standing right there. The longer Nick looked at Brian, the more worried he became. His Frick had lost a lot of weight. He wasn't skeletal thin, but he did not really look healthy either. Those rosy cheek he once had they were now pale. The sweater he wore was way too large for him, the sleeves much too long and had it not been for checker-patterned belt he wore, Brian's jeans pants would have dropped to the ground. Still even though Brian was thin, Nick couldn't deny how pretty his former lover still looked. The way he stood here now had something ethereal. He looked a bit like those elves of middle-earth.
Suddenly Brian spun around again. Before he even started to move Nick knew he was about to run. A second later the smaller man threw one leg in front of the other as he started to hurry down the hill. "Hey! No, stop! Brian!", Nick called after him, he couldn't allow him to go. He didn't know why, but all of his instincts kicked in. As Brian was continuing to run Nick kicked the pedals of his bike. It didn't take long to overtake Frick, who seemed to be panicking. With a swift motion Nick threw his bike around to block Brian's path. When the older man had to stop because of that, he looked him in the eyes: "Stop running Bri! You can't outrun a bike.", that logical statement was the first thing that came to his mind. For a moment it seemed like Brian was thinking about a way to escape this, but when he turned his eyes to the ground and allowed his shoulders to drop Nick knew he had won. Slowly he moved off his bike and let it drop to the ground before he approached the person he had once called his angel. Nick had the urge to hug Brian, but memories of the way they parted stopped him from doing so. He stopped his steps when he was an arm-length away from Brian, just enough to reach out to him if he tried to run again. That didn't happen though. Instead of running away, his Frick decided to lift his head again to look into his eyes. There was something challenging in there when he raised his voice: "What are you doing here Nick?", it somehow sounded annoyed and Nick huffed lightly: "I could ask you the same thing. I live here a few houses up the hill. What about you?" Even though Brian seemed a little bit hostile Nick tried to be as friendly as he could, he even gave Brian a smile. "I.... I-I was just... visiting someone.", as his ex-boyfriend stuttered like that Nick raised one eyebrow. Something was off and the way the smaller man started to shiver a moment later only confirmed his suspicion. "Visiting, eh? Who were you visiting?", Nick frowned as he spoke those words. Brian couldn't lie, not to him, he knew him so well, he could tell something was wrong. It was even more obvious when it all of a sudden seemed like Brian was getting even smaller, as he ducked his head. He was ashamed about something, Nick could see that. "Nick, just leave it be.", he was pleading with him. As he did he seemed all nervous and he was tugging at the arm of the sweater he was wearing. When another shudder ran through Brian's body Nick gasped. An intuition had shot into his head. That thin body, the pale complexion, him shivering, that tugging on the sweater. Anger flamed up inside of him and found a way to his face. It couldn't be true. He had to make sure it wasn't. With a swift motion he closed the gap between him and Brian and grabbed the wrist of his left arm. His Frick immediately tried to pull away from him, but if Nick wanted to he could have a pretty firm grip. Right now he wanted to. A moment later he pulled up the sleeve of Brian's sweater.
"No, Nick!", his ex-lover tried to protest, but it was too late. What he saw as he moved the cloth away from Brian's lower arm was enough to confirm his suspicion. In shock Nick let go of Brian, the frown still on his face. It stung to see it. That arm was full of injection-scars. His Frick started to sob as another shiver ran through his body. "Nick, please let me explain.", his begging it was too much. That man he had once known to be so strong, so protective, perfect and unbreakable, there he was a picture of misery. It hurt so much to see him like that. What had happened to push him towards drugs? What explaining was there to do? How could he do that to himself? How could he just throw his life away? As he thought about it the anger flamed up again and made him raise his voice quite a bit louder than needed. "What do you want to explain Brian? That you are a junkie? That you are throwing your life away? What is it, huh? Meth, Cocaine, Heroin? Tell me Brian!", Nick was staring him down and it seemed as if Brian kept shrinking smaller and smaller. His voice was very low when he answered: "I... it's Heroin...", Brian sighed and Nick stayed silent to let him continue his sentence, "You need to let me go Nick, I need to get my shot... else it will be bad." It was a pitiful display by the man he still loved. If Brian had fallen to his knees to beg now, it would not have surprised him. Heroin. That was one of the worst things he could have said. Nick felt overwhelmed by that new information. What should he do? All that came to his mind was more shouting and then he just let it out: "Are you out of your mind? Heroin is bad stuff it'll kill you.", Brian wanted to lower his head but Nick grabbed it on both sides and forced him to look into his eyes, "What happened to you? And... what are you doing here?", he looked towards the mansion his Frick had come from, "Is that where your dealer lives? I swear I'm going to kill him!", he couldn't help a growl escaping from his throat, but Brian energetically shook his head: "No it's not! He only gives me money... I need money."
Silence. Once again Nick was shocked as he stared at his former band-mate. Piece for piece everything started to make sense. But the revelation he got was anything but pretty. "He gives you money? What does he give you money for? Be honest Brian. I know when you are not telling the truth, you know that.",while his anger didn't fade Nick felt how it mixed up with the sadness that now grabbed him. He could guess what was going on, he didn't even need Brian's answer, but he didn't want to accept it. It hurt too much to do so. But then Brian raised his voice again: "He pays me for company, Nick.", there it was the truth and Nick hated the fact that it had been spoken. It couldn't be true, he didn't want it to be, but it was. And Brian was not even done speaking yet. Nick noticed how his eyes were flaring up in anger, before he started to shout, where before he had just spoken: "What do you want me to say Nick? You left me. Then there was AJ, he was there for a while, but then he left as well. I was so fucking lonely. You didn't even write me once! I thought you loved me and you stayed silent. H was there though. H never left me alone. It never will...", he growled and Nick frowned again Those words they hurt but they also made his anger rise again. He wanted to interject, but Brian wasn't done: "And somehow I have to make the money to pay for it, don't I? Men pay you well if you give them what they want. Don't dare to judge me, you aren't in my position." Brian pointed a finger at him, but Nicks fuse was about to blow, so he grabbed for the wrist of the smaller mans arm that was just pointing at him. Then he pulled himself closer to Brian until their faces were mere millimeters away from each other as he responded in the same volume Brian had used: "Don't you blame me for the decisions you made. You were the one that threw me out and you were the one that didn't write. I didn't think it was my right to do it after YOU ended our relationship. And still. All of that is no excuse for taking drugs. I can't believe it.", he shook his head before he addressed the part that was really painful, "And I'm not judging you, but it hurts. To find out that the man I love is selling his body just so he can buy some drugs, what do you think how that makes me feel?" With the last word the last bit of anger had left them. Both Nick and Brian were left with sadness, when rage was gone. The sheer size of Fricks tragedy was hanging over their head, destroying their spirits. When Brian sobbed again and started to cry, Nick couldn't take the tension anymore. After a moment of hesitation he let go of Brian's wrist to instead put his arms tight around him. "I'm so sorry...", he heard the smaller mans muffled whimpers against his chest. In response Nick just pulled him tighter. "It's alright Bri. I'm here now. We can get you through this.", he put a single kiss on Brian's forehead, but Brian only started to sob more when his body was shivering again. "It's not so easy, Nick. I need my fix... and I need it now. Please, you have to understand me. If I don't get it I will get aggressive and sick. I need my heroin.", he was still speaking against his chest, but he had turned his head lightly so Nick could hear him better.
The situation was tricky. Nick didn't know much about drugs, but he had read about how bad withdrawal symptoms could be, they could even lead to death. He didn't like the idea, but until they found a way to treat Brian properly getting his fix was inevitable. "Alright Brian, I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna help you get your fix this one time, but only if you promise, that afterwards you will try your best to get away from it." - "I promise.", Brian didn't hesitate to give an answer, but Nick knew that he was controlled by his addiction. He hoped his words were true, but he couldn't be sure.
"So... I'm supposed to meet my dealer at the gas station down there...", Brian explained pulling away from the hug to point down to the building he described. It wasn't that far away, closer even than the cinema Nick had wanted to visit. They could already see the place from their elevated point. "Okay get on my bike!", Nick suggested and walked over to the vehicle he had dropped on the ground. When he lifted it up he patted the area behind the seat. "C'mon Bri... you take the back. You can hold unto me.", he winked lightly. If things would have been different he would have flirted more aggressively. He truly missed Brian. He was like the one person god had made for him. There was no doubt in his mind, that he still was the one, but right now he had so many problems. Nick couldn't believe there was any room left for love. And even if he would not have had those problems, Nick wasn't sure if Brian would have felt the same way. Still it had felt good to hug him and as he took the seat on his bike and Brian sat down behind him it felt even better.
-
It was so strange. An hour ago he had still been talking to George and now he was sitting down behind Nick. Of all people he could have met this December night it had to be the one person he had ever loved. Things were strange like this sometimes. When Nick started to push into the pedals, Brian put his arms around his waist. It felt so good. It was only meant to hold himself onto the bike, but it felt like so much more. He couldn't even remember the last time he touched a man without getting paid and now he was holding onto someone special. How he had missed that warmth that rushed through his body when he pulled closer to Nick and laid his head against the taller blondes back. "Thank you Nick...", he mumbled and closed his eyes wanting to cherish the moment, so he would not forget it ever. Breathing in deeply he noticed how good his Frack smelled. So fresh and sweet like a night in spring. Like a cherry-blossom that had missed its season. Another memory for his collection. Too bad that their ride wouldn't last forever. If he could have had the choice, he would have stayed like this forever, just dreaming. But his addiction soon came back. Scratching its way out of the depths of his emotions, destroying any comfort he felt. Ripping apart the beauty that was being with Nick. Brian sighed as the shivers came back, this time to stay until he got the fix. Luckily that wasn't far away.
As Nick came to a halt only a few meters away from the gas-station Brian opened his eyes and stood up in one swift motion. Before Nick could say or do anything he was running towards the back of the building, leaving Nick standing where he was. Quickly Brian grabbed the $350 George had given him from his jeans pocket, even before he saw the man he was looking for. When he did he hurried over to him. "Gimme as much stuff as you possible can for this. Should be seven bags?", he said in a hushed voice as he stopped his steps in front of the hooded man. It was the same guy he had already frequented with AJ. By now Brian knew him quite well and he was at least sure that the stuff he sold was good. If he had needed to go to another dealer things could have turned out badly, so he stayed with this dark-haired man. He had never given him a name, but he didn't need that from him either. The thing he needed from the dealer were the packs that he gave him in the same motion as he took the money. Silently as usual he nodded when the trading was done. There was not much that needed to be said, the deal was done and the guy started to leave. Brian let himself drop to the ground immediately fishing for the leather bag he was carrying in his jeans pocket. A second later he had the bag open. It contained everything he needed to prepare the drug, including a spoon and a needle. While he was starting to do his thing Nick caught up to him, pushing his bike around the corner towards where Brian was sitting.
Brian noticed how worried Fracks expression was when he was looking down onto him, but he didn't say a word. He couldn't think about Nick now when he was about to use his heroin. If he wanted to watch so dearly he could. As long as he allowed him continue. Brian ignored Nicks sigh when he finally pulled the drug up into the injection. He also ignored him wincing when he shot the stuff up his veins. If he had not wanted to see it, he should not have come along. Since he did, he might as well take it.
When the drug started pumping through his veins Brian felt an immediate rush of comfort come over him. It was like being hugged by a thousand people. Suddenly he felt loved and strong, happy and without worries. His wonderful drug had given him pleasure once again and Brian thanked it for that, smiling warmly to himself. For a moment he even forgot about Nick being here, just being with that wave of heroin pleasure. "So, you good now?", only as Frack spoke did he remember who brought him here. Brian looked up towards the tall blonde and stood up from the ground. "Yeah, I feel good.", he smiled widely, but he saw the skeptical expression Nick gave him. Brian ignored it. "Well then I want you to come with me to my place. Or I come along to your place. You still staying in Downtown?", his Frack was determined not to leave him alone, it was kind of cute. Brian didn't care, he didn't care about anything right now. If he wanted to help him he might as well just do it. "I lost the place... living in a shack now. Don't think that's your kinda place. You're a pop-star.", Brian grinned then walked up closer to Nick looking up into his eyes, "I heard you sing, you know? It's Gonna Be Me... you sound so good." he complimented just telling the truth about what he felt. Still his Frack looked somewhat unhappy. He frowned, then sighed before he spoke on: "Well... let's go to my place then. Okay?"the worried look was still resting on the tall blondes face, when he spoke on. Brian shrugged. It didn't matter to him where he slept, so after a moment he just sat back down onto the bike: "Okay let's go.", before falling silent again. This world was too beautiful to worry too much about things. The H made him feel good. And so he started to hum a melody as Nick kicked the pedals of his bike again.