"So are we final with our setlist?", Nick lifted the piece of paper he was holding up above his head. It had been a few hours since they had started the discussion today and they already had spent a few days before that finding the right songs for their 'In A World Like This' tour. Kevin nodded at Nick's question, who then proceeded to slam the piece of paper down on the table. Nick sighed and was silent for a moment, then he frowned before raising his voice quite a bit "And what do we do about Brian's voice?", someone had to ask it. They had talked about it before, when they were talking about which songs they should include on the album. But ever since then nobody had spoken about it. Nobody wanted to bring it up in fear, that speaking about it could be hurtful for Brian. Nick however felt, that they could no longer be silent.
For a few years now Brian had been struggling to perform at his usual level of quality. Back when it had all started, he hadn't worried a lot about it, thought it was only a sore throat, a slight bother, that soon would pass. Since then five years had passed though and Brian still was not able to sing properly again. Oftentimes when they were singing his voice would be raspy, it would crack or it was simply not there. The quality it once had, that had given Brian the chance to sing lead in many of their most popular songs, now it was gone. And even though every single member of their group knew about this fact, it came as quite of a shock when Nick addressed the issue. Sure sooner or later, that talk had to happen again: they needed to think about how they could keep critics from being too harsh, about how they could give their fans a great show and about how they could protect Brian from being hurt. That Nick brought it up now however came kind of unexpected. As a result Howie and AJ looked slightly uncomfortable down to their hands, while Kevin started to frown. Brian, the man Nick was talking about had even twitched lightly when the topic was brought up and now he had his lips pressed close tightly. He didn't like it when people saw his emotions, but with this topic, he couldn't keep himself from looking sad.
The silence seemed to drag on for a short eternity since nobody really knew how to answers Nick's question. Of course Nick did notice that, too. So he decided to clarify what he meant: "Brian, with your condition... are you sure that we really can perform songs like As Long As You Love Me and Quit Playing Games?", he looked directly at his former best buddy, who in turn lifted his head to look into his eyes. "It does not matter what I'm sure about or not. Our fans want those two songs you mentioned and we can't leave them out, just because I have problems. It will be fine Nick.“, in truth Brian felt really insecure about it. He knew that some fans were demanding, he would step away from singing altogether. But if he stopped fighting now, the battle was already lost and he didn't want to be the person to give in so easily. More importantly he didn't want to be left out, because that would have made him feel useless.
"You say it will be fine.", Nick sighed again, "Well, how can we be certain about that? How can we be certain, that your voice won't fail you. How can we know, that your voice not being up to its standard, won't lead to fans booing you off the stage?", Nick would stare at Brian, who sunk his head at that question "What do you think will happen when you sing and your voice cracks? What do you think will happen if your performance will be lousy in our first concert? Do you know what they will write in the magazines the next day? The boys lost their soul, their quality and their spice. How will it affect the Backstreet Boys, Brian? How will it affect you?", he was about to speak on but fell silent as soon as he noticed just how much his words were hurting Brian. Nick just had to look into his eyes to notice how they became clouded with deep sadness.
"Nick!“, Kevin finally raised his voice as well, "Think before you speak. Brian is part of our group. Our fans will see the documentary, they will see what's going on. And the press? They will always write bullshit, if they want to.", obviously he seemed to be trying to diffuse the situation, but all that followed were a few moments more of awkward silence. Nick didn't know what to say anymore, of course Kevin was right. But all he was thinking about was how those magazines, no matter if what they wrote was true or not, would affect Brian. Nick had known B-Rok ever since he had been a teenager, at a time Brian even had been his legal guardian, so he knew him quite well. He knew that the older Backstreet Boy was far more emotional than he let people see. As if to give a proof of that emotionality Brian stood up from his chair "Sorry guys but I can't have that talk now. I will go to my room." As he moved past the guys Nick could see how tears were starting to take shape in Brian's eyes. Nick immediately regretted his harsh words since he could see that sadness that Brian didn't want anyone of them to see. It had been so obvious how much these vocal issues were affecting him and he just had dug his fingers into an open wound, driving his friend out of the room.
"Great job, Nick.“, AJ called out and sarcastically clapped his hands as they heard Brian close the door of his room behind him, "Can't you show a little bit more empathy? Try to imagine what Brian must be going through. You can't say things like that.", those words left Nick clenching his jaw.
"But it's true and you guys know it!“, he regretted that his words hurt Brian, but he felt like somebody had to finally be honest. The other guys didn't seem to agree on his good intentions however and Kevin just shook his head in disbelief raising his voice for a second time: "Maybe, but you should put yourself in his shoes, man. We are all singers, just imagine how you would feel in Brian's position. How would you feel if someone told you, you were not good enough anymore to sing the songs you sung all your career? Especially Brian, you know he sang lead in more than half of our early songs." He was putting an imaginative mirror in front of Nick, who only could sigh and eye the ground.
The boys were right, Nick couldn't imagine going through the same ordeal that lay ahead of Brian every day since it had gotten this bad. When he thought about it, he thought it was even quite impressive, how he could keep up his act. Maybe that was even the problem. Brian was so good in hiding his emotions and acting as if everything would be fine, that Nick really believed him. He had thought it was no problem to be honest with him, since he had perceived him as more than strong enough to handle criticism. However, had he been able to look behind the mask Brian was wearing, he could have seen a suffering man. The guys just had helped him to open his eyes for that. Perhaps he should have approached it differently. "I'll go talk to him.", it was all he could do now and so he stood up as well, leaving the table and the other men behind to make his way over to Brian's room, which was located on the second floor of the city villa, they were staying at. A moment of uncertainty and hesitation were followed by Nick knocking at the door, three careful knocks, that he hoped Brian would answer. "Brian... please let me in.“, he spoke in a soft voice against the wood of the door, but the only answer he got was silence. Brian probably hated him now, at least that was the thought that shot into Nicks head, hating him for acting like an asshole and he couldn't even blame him for that. On the other hand though, Nick was quite a stubborn person, so he knocked a second time. "Brian... I want to apologize to you and I don't want to talk to a wooden door.", he sighed in a frustrated fashion and started to shake the door-handle.
There were still no words, but suddenly the door opened and Brian stared at him. He had been crying, the reddish colour of his eyes was a proof of that and he had a stern expression looking back up to Nick. It took a good ten seconds of perfect silence, til Brian just turned around and moved back to the couch, leaving the door open for Nick to enter.
"Listen, I'm sorry...", Nicks words cut like a knife into Brian's heart. "Sorry, huh? For what?", was all he could really respond. What had been said at the table had really hurt him, hurt him enough to make him cry, even though he was a grown man. Nick just sighed again and walked into the room closing the door silently behind him, while Brian's blue eyes were still staring him down for what seemed to be an eternity. It took some time until the smaller man had stopped staring at him, but that didn't make him feel any more comfortable, since now Brian started staring at a TV that wasn't even turned on. He was acting kind of weird.
"Why are you sorry, when you just said the truth?“, Brian asked while looking at the black screen. That was the problem, Brian wasn't actually hurt, because Nick had been saying what he said, he was mad, that what he had said was actually true. He wasn't angry with Nick, in reality, what he really was mad about was the whole situation. Years of trying to recover his voice with medical treatment and vocal training, had made Brian quite bitter about it. Nothing much had changed, he still couldn't sing the way he used to. "You shall not lie, Nick. So you did everything right.“ And at that moment he broke into sobbing again, helpless sobbing pure with emotion, leaving Nick kind of shocked.
"I'm... I'm sorry for being a dick.", the taller blonde spoke out and moved towards the couch Brian was sitting on. He looked at his friend for a moment, before sitting down on the armrest. Brian was still staring at the television screen and didn't really say anything to his apology. Instead he sighed deeply. "Remember back when it all started? You were Frack and I was Frick and it seemed like the whole wide world was at our feet? Do you remember those times?" Brian tilted his head downwards, bringing his palms up to his face. After speaking those words, he simply let go of all those tears, he had been holding back. They started to run down his cheek and drop onto his sweater. "Nick, I just want to be the same guy I was all those years ago again. I want to sing again without being ashamed of myself.", he started to sob helplessly and Nick couldn't do anything to stop that from happening. Those words however touched his heart and made him slide closer on the couch towards his bandmate.
"Brian...", he would put his arms around his friends neck, pulling him into a hug. "It's alright. Everything will be fine.", he really thought it would be, eventually. If you truly believed in it you could beat every challenge you had to face in your life or at least that was what Nick thought. But It simply wouldn't work out if you didn't believe in it and Nick did want Brian to have the necessary amount of hope to overcome his issue. Brian on the other hand was more pessimistic. Of course Nick could tell him these things, because he wasn't in his body, because he didn't feel what Brian did, when he sang. How his throat felt sore, how he was just not able to produce the same sounds, that he had been able to produce in the past.
All that really made him feel melancholic: "How could it even come that far? Why me? Why do I have to have all the issues all the time? My heart, then the flu and now my voice that doesn't recover. I have been trying Nick, I really have, but nothing helped me. This has been going on for years now." He pulled from the hug and would stare Nick down trying to force the words into his head, he was not really sure if he understood the situation. How could he? If anything Nick had improved in singing over the years, he was better at it than ever before.
Then again, maybe he did understand it, after all there had been a time, where Nick hadn't been the kind of singer he was today. Brian remembered that time, where it had been Nick that people criticized for his vocal quality and how he felt the media was unfair to the blonde guy who back then simply had been a teenager. If he thought about it, it was kind of weird how those things changed. And there was something else, that changed. When he thought back of those days, he remembered how he and Nick had been Frick and Frack. They had been inseparable. They had been so very close and now he felt kind of distant to that boy, who had grown to become a man. "Tell me why are we not like we were anymore? We used to be best friends...", Brian just had to bring it up since the thought grew loud in his mind, he missed those times. The surprise that was written in Nicks face when he spoke those words, kind of made him frown. Had he never thought about the same? Had he never felt like something was missing? Something they once had? It made him fear, that their friendship had never been as important to Nick as it had been to himself. He would keep looking at him, because if he didn't watch him now, he probably would never find out the answer to his question.
After a moment Nicks expression changed and his voice sounded quite sad when he started to speak again "Oh, Brian. Things sometimes just change for no reason. But there were reasons, why we grew apart." Before he spoke on Nick hesitated for a moment and leaned backwards quite a bit, so he was able to face Brian better and look straight into his eyes.
"You didn't speak to me for a year. And why? Because I just wanted to release a solo record?", Nick seemed to be getting slightly angry as he spoke, "I trusted you, you were everything to me and then you ignored me for a whole damn year!" Those words, they made Brian twitch for the second time this evening. Nick was right, he had treated him real bad, when he tried to go solo.
"But you know I miss those times too, a lot. We were a great team, Frick and Frack.“, he said thoughtfully, sighed and turned his head to face the ground.
He had not planned on getting angry, in fact he wanted to cheer Brian up. How could he though, when there was so many hurt emotions between them? When Nick looked back up to Brian, he put on a smile, but he didn't feel very confident in it. It was true, they used to get along so well and if he really thought of it, he would not mind those times to come back. "Who says we can't try to bring back things to how they were again?" Nick's smile grew a little bit warmer and true and Brian couldn't help but to respond with one of his own: "That would be great, I would love to hang out more with you again, like we used to, when it was just you and me against the world.“, he even chuckled now, wiping some tears away, but that chuckle wouldn't last long. His expression darkened, when he realized, that getting friends again might prove to be harder than it seemed. And even if they managed to become closer again, there were other things, which couldn't be solved: "We can be Frick and Frack again, but nothing can bring back my voice, it has been like this for many years.“
Nicks expression changed and became rather disappointed. It was obvious now, that Brian had given up on himself: "If you think about it like that it is no wonder, that you are still having problems. Brian, look at me!", and he would stare at the other, til he caught those eyes, still rimmed in a reddish colour from the tears he had cried: "I know you can conquer that issue of yours. You simply have to, what would we Backstreet Boys be, without your voice? You are our heart." But despite Nick's best efforts, Brian simply couldn't smile, since it was really hard for him to believe what the other was saying. Sadness was written all over his face, he was really without any hope. "C'mon Brian, you can't just give up on everything, you won't be able to achieve anything like that. And you know what I will help you to sing again.“, Nick would move over to lightly nudge Brian's shoulder.
That move produced a weak smile on Brian's face, but it soon faded and was replaced by a rather stern expression as Brian looked down to the fabric the couch was made of: „Help me?“, Nick nodded, „That's what friends are for..." - "But how?", Brian looked confused, he had tried everything, medicine, vocal training, just nothing had really brought him any closer to his goal, so he wasn't really sure how Nick could change anything about that.
"Don't worry. I have absolutely no clue how I can help you, but I know one thing: I'll figure something out!“, Nick grinned confidently and patted Brian's back, he didn't even wait to get any answer, he had to do some research now. When Nick stood up and left the room, he left Brian alone, sitting on the couch, brooding about the words that had just been spoken.