Pairing(s): Nick/Kevin Rated: R Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes Originally Published: Early 2000s
Kevin’s Pov
It had been a long 2 years, but we somehow managed to survive everything that was thrown at us. Howie and Brian had apologized and that had lifted a huge burden that we really hadn’t know had been there. I know it gave Nick a strange sense of hope. He still couldn’t walk yet, but he was doing tons better and I had full confidence that he would be walking soon.
I believed in him. I loved him so much. I only hoped he knew just how much I loved him. I tried everyday of my life getting lost in him. I was so proud at how hard he worked to overcome his obstacles.
There’s always something in the way though. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s there. There’s something with him that makes him not want to give himself to me completely. I gave myself to him a long time ago. Used to distance myself when I felt guilty about the accident. We worked through that together not I’m more at ease with him and I have no problem letting him have all of me.
I wish he would just open up to me. I can handle that though given the circumstances we’ve been dealt, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Nick’s PoV
I hated being in this wheel chair! It made me feel so unattractive. It made me see just how perfect Kevin was compared to me. It’s been almost two years since the accident and I still couldn’t walk.
I loved Kevin so much it hurts. I know I keep myself distanced from him, but I’m scared of getting close for fear he’ll leave.
It’s stupid I know he’s not leaving, but it’s still the way I feel. Every time something bad happens I get a strange sense of hope from Kevin. I want to lose myself and find it in Kevin. He’s all I know. All I care about him.
I know there s always something standing in the way of us being completely happy. I hope that when I’m able to walk again then the things in the way will vanish. At first I thought It was because of Brian and Howie but now everything’s ok and I still have that sense of distance.
So I know it has to be the wheel chair. I thought I was ok with it at first but now I’m not so sure.
Kevin’s POV
I tried to keep the radio down so I could hear Nick yell if he needed me. Once I was lying on the bed upstairs I finally let the tears fall. Knowing he wouldn’t see.
We’d been through so much. I loved him even more because of it. I’d just wish he’d let me have all of him. I always asked him if he knew how much I loved him, and he always said yes. Sometimes though I still get the feeling that he doesn’t. I just want to know I’d give my life for him to be happy. I love him so much. He’s everything to me. I know it bothers him being in the wheelchair, no matter how much he tries to pretend like it doesn’t.
I’m not going anywhere. I sometimes think he thinks I’m going to leave him. I couldn’t ever do that. I love him too much.
Nick’s POV
I wheeled myself into the kitchen to get something to drink. My throat hurt. I missed Kevin.
He was only upstairs, but I still wanted him with me all the time. He said to yell if I needed him but I didn’t want to do that because I didn’t really need him I just wanted him. I still can’t believe that he blamed himself for my accident. It wasn’t his fault. I loved him tremendously and I knew he’d never do anything to hurt me.
I wheeled myself near the TV but stopped before I turned it on.
I heard crying Kevin being hurt immediately flashed through my mind. I had to get to him. I cursed myself as I realized there was no way for me to get up the stairs. I had to find some one to get him. I couldn’t call for help for obvious reasons. I could call one of the guys to come over and check on him but they all lived too far away. I didn’t know anyone else in the neighborhood.
I'd have to find a way to get up the stairs. I sat there debating about what to do for a few seconds. The crying seemed to be getting louder. I still thought he was seriously hurt. The only thing I could do was walk up the stairs.
I wheeled my chair to the front of the staircase. I managed to crawl and get on the steps by my knees. I looked up and realized just how many steps I was going to have to climb up. I used the banister and by throwing all of my weight to my arms I managed to maneuver myself to a standing position.
So far so good.
I was proud of myself. I gripped the banister tightly as I carefully placed my left foot on the next step. I slid my hands further up the banister and sung myself up. Once I was on the next step I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn’t fallen. You could hear the crying even more now. That motivated me to keep moving.
Using the same technique I used before I managed to climb the rest of the stairs. Once I reached the top I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. Now I’d have to try to do it without the banister. My legs were stiff and they hurt terribly. My priority was to get to Kevin, so I ignored the pain and kept going. I slowly step by step managed to walk down the hall to our bedroom. I opened the door and looked inside. Kevin was sitting in the window crying. He wasn’t hurt but maybe something bad happened I thought.
‘Baby,” I said softly.
He jumped and looked at me with wide eyes. He shot up off the window seat and walked over to me.
“Baby, how’d you get up here?” he asked softly searching my eyes for the answer he so desperately wanted to hear.
“I walked,” I said smiling slightly.
A huge smile spread a crossed his features as he wrapped me in his arms. I started o cry not really knowing why.
“I’m so proud of you baby, I love you so much” he kept repeating over and over.
“I love you too baby,” I said.
Somehow standing there with Kevin knowing that I’d just overcome one of my biggest obstacles I felt equal to Kevin for the first time in our two-year relationship.
“I love you so much Kevin,” I said holding him tighter.
Kevin’s POV
You can not begin to understand the emotions that ran through me as I watched Nick standing there knowing he’d just climbed the stairs for the first time in tow years. He had finally done it. I loved him so much, I could tell he was getting tired so I switched off the light and led him to the bed.
“Why’d you come up here baby?” I asked after I got us situated on the bed.
“I thought you were hurt. I heard you crying and I thought something had happened. It was my only way of getting to you,” He said smiling a little. “I wanted to make sure you were ok. My life is for you, I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” He said honestly.
I was touched.
“I love you baby,” I said softly through the tears that had started rolling down my face again. I took his hand and softly intertwined his fingers with mine.
“Why are you crying Kev?” he asked. I had no idea how to explain myself.
“Sometimes I feel like there’s something in the way of us being together completely. I love you and I don’t want us to be distant from each other. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. It upsets me sometimes that there’s something in the way. I found my life, my love and my future in you. You’re all I know. You’re my life and I love you.” I said softly staring at the ceiling while I rocked Nick in my arms.
“I’m so sorry Kevin. I guess I always felt that I never measured up to you. That you deserved someone better than me. I’m sorry. I knew it was a dumb thing to do, but now I can walk again. And I feel equal to you. You’re a part of me and I’m a part of you, that’s what it feels like now and I like it. I promise I’ll never be distant again. I don’t want to be distant anymore and I love you,” He kissed my neck and then hid his face.
“I love everything about you Kevvy,”
I could feel him smile against my skin.
“There’s nothing about you I don’t love Nicky,” I said smiling.
Sometimes everything works out for the better. Sometimes you find the love of your life at the right time. I’m not sure of a lot of things, but I defiantly know this has been a walk to remember.