Pairing(s): Nick/Kevin Rated: R Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Originally Published: Early 2000's
I looked away as his gaze shifted from the conversation he was having with Brian to me. I focused my eyes on a spot on the floor. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I was afraid of what I would see there. I was afraid of what he’d see in my own. I tried to gaze at him without him catching me; it isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s hard to believe that less than a month ago I was holding him in my arms. I hate myself for the things I did t make us hurt like this. I know the words to say to fix this, I’m just now sure if that’s enough anymore.
The bluest of blue That's what her eyes are That's what I am today
His beautiful blue eyes pierced my soul as he fixed his gaze on me intently. His eyes were the color of the ocean. He wore his emotions in his eyes. Looking into them was like reading his soul. His eyes never lied. His eyes held such hurt and sadness. I know its all my fault too. I know those feelings are also mirrored in my own eyes. Maybe I should back up and tell you the full story so you’ll understand what’s going on. Nick and I were together for two years. They were the best two years of my life. He told me he loved me and I flipped. I didn’t love him, I wasn’t gay!” It was just something fun to do. Something special that only the two of us shared. I didn’t love him, or so I thought…
I couldn't lie He couldn't wait I love you came too late I'd give my life for yesterday I love you came too late
He gave me an ultimatum. Either I tell him he was what I wanted and I loved him or he was leaving. He told me he couldn’t be in a relationship where he was unloved. I told him I cared for him deeply, but this was just fun for me. I never want to see that pain in his eyes again. I felt horrid for the pain and hurt I caused him, but I couldn’t lie. I didn’t want to lead him on and hurt him more later. It was better this way. We should have ended this as friends after all it was just something to do for me. It wasn’t anything serious. Well that’s what I kept telling myself…
I should have seen the signs and paid more attention But I pushed your love away
It wasn’t until he was gone that I realized how much he affected my life. I couldn’t go anywhere with out thinking of him. I couldn’t do anything with out trying to stop and ask him if I was doing the right thing. Most people think I have it all together and I know exactly how things should go the first time round, but I don’t. Nick was the only one who knew the real me. I’m not sure how I missed him becoming such a big part of my, life. He was though. I found myself thinking about him as I tried to sleep at night. I would get upset when he wasn’t there when I woke up. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.
I couldn't lie He couldn't wait I love you came too late I'd give my life for yesterday I love you came too late
I stayed up late at night thinking of all the things I missed about him. I missed his smile that seemed to light me up when it was directed at me. I missed the closeness I had with him. I missed the looks of love he would give me when he didn’t think I was looking. I missed how he would try to get me to do things that he enjoyed. I missed holding him in my arms. I missed having him close to me. It was then that I realized it wasn’t just fun for me like I had once thought it was. It couldn’t be just fun if I longed to hold him again. That wasn’t fun, it was love.
And if I had it all to do all over again I wouldn't have waited so long to say...
I can’t live without him. I’ve just recently come to this conclusion. We split up, Howie, Brian and me going east to do promotions and him and AJ going west. I didn’t realize how much it would affect me just being away from him for two weeks. I couldn’t stand it. I picked up he phone every five minutes attempting to call. I lost my nerve each time. I couldn’t wait for those two weeks to be over so I could be around him again. I’m not sure how I didn’t realize how much I love him and how much he meant t me before. I had to tell him. I had to tell him I loved him before it was two late…
I can't live without you Don't want nobody else My heart is in my hand I took a good look at myself If I had another chance I'd shout it out to the world I love you Well that brings me back to where we are now. Nick’s eyes are still intently fixed on me and I turn my head to meet his eyes. His eyes widen at the love I’m sure he sees in my eyes. I mouth to him that we need to talk and he seems to understand. He nods a little and finishes his conversation with Brian.
Brian left I’m assuming to go call his wife and Nick locked the door behind him before joining me on the couch where I sat. He looked at me skeptically before I began talking.
“I love you,” I said softly. I held my breath waiting for what he would say.
“I’ve been waiting,” Nick said smiling softly.
I looked up and saw his gorgeous smile. I knew it was going to be ok. I opened my arms and he fell into them. I held him tightly to me daring someone to try to take him away. My love for Nick would never be late again. He would always know I loved him.
I can't live with out you I don't want no body else Baby, listen very closely I love you.....