I closed my eyes prepared for what I knew would come. His harsh words cut into my heart. I felt the air leave my lungs and I struggled to breathe. My eyes filled with tears and I squeezed them tightly closed to keep them from falling.
It was the same thing every time he went out. He never forgot to tell me exactly how he felt before he left me for one of his nightly escapades.
“God you're fat!” Alex yelled in my face trying to get a reaction.
I silently tried to ignore him and keep the tears at bay until he was gone. “I don’t even know why I’m still with you. I guess it’s just because the sex is so good. That’s all your good for isn’t it bitch. You’re just a hole. Something I can stick my hard cock into. Don’t ever think you’re more than that Nicky. You’re just a worthless whore. All anyone will ever want you for is sex. God knows your not good enough for anything else.”
It was the same thing every time, sometimes worse. Other times it wasn’t so bad. I myself wasn’t entirely sure why I was still with him. I know I loved him, but sometimes-even love is a bitch. I didn’t deserve to be treated the way that AJ treated me, no one did. No one ever deserves to be treated like a cheap worthless slut.
That’s all Alex thinks of me, I know that but for some reason I just can’t ever will myself to leave him. I guess sometimes I hope he’ll wake up one day and love me like I love him. Those were just hopeless dreams though; I knew Alex would never love me.
“Why do you hate me so much?” The question came out before I could stop myself from asking it.
I watched Alex’s face for a sign of love anything, but I saw nothing. I sat and waited for his answer not sure if I would get one.
“I don’t hate you Nick, it just seems like you’ve gotten a lot bigger since we started dating. I mean you were never small by any means but now your huge. You do nothing to stop it or fix it and it makes me sick. It makes me want to vomit knowing you are what I have to come home too. I dread coming home because of you. Your whole appearance suffers. Your face is too chubby and your eyes look like their slits. It just makes me sick to look at you,” Alex finished running his finger through his short spiky hair.
The other one he shoved deep into his pocket. I felt my heart get heavy and drop more with every word that left Alex’s mouth. I hoped he would leave soon so I could unleash the tears that were threatening to fall. It would only anger him more if he seen me crying. I didn’t need him angrier, there was no telling what he would say then.
“I can’t deal with this right now, I got to get out of here. I’ll see you later don’t wait up, I probably won’t be back tonight.” Alex said as he slammed the door behind him.
I waited till I knew he was really gone before I allowed the tears to overtake me. I dropped to my knees and put my head in my hands. I cried for all I was worth. The sobs overtook my body shaking me to the core.
I cried for the longest time totally oblivious to the opened door.